All Other Ground is Sinking Sand - Our Life After Loss

Where is Your Hope?

2012-02-11T21:15:00.000-05:00

My heart has been a little heavy the past week or so.
You'd have to practically live in a bubble to not see all the tragedy, destruction (sometimes even self-destruction), devastation, and utter chaos that is going on in the world today. Here's a list of just a few of the headlines of some news stories that come to mind when I think about just things I've heard about this week.

- Josh Powell Told Sons He Had a 'Surprise' For Them

- Jury Selection Begins in Yeardley Love Murder Trial

- Jerry Sandusky House Arrest: Concerns Of School Could Alter Bail Conditions Of Ex-Penn State Coach

- Henrico Infant's Death Ruled 'Suspicious'

My heart can only handle but so much of this at a time! Today I finally lost it as I was watching a special on ABC Sports where they recounted the story of a 23-year old Loyola Marymount University player who dropped dead on the basketball court back in 1990 in the middle of a conference tournament game. I know that particular story was many years ago, but it was just too much for me!

If you haven't realized it yet, we live in a fallen world. I see so many people put all their hope into living this life to the fullest, but the fact of the matter is that we were made for more.

We were made for more than what this earthly life has to offer.

Don't get me wrong. I have a blessed life. To deny that would be a slap in the Lord's face. For some reason beyond my comprehension, He has chosen to bless me with wonderful friends and family, a loving and faithful husband, two precious children, an encouraging church family, and so many other material things that are just icing on the cake. I certainly don't deserve any of it!

But, during weeks like this past one where all I seem to hear about is tragedy after tragedy, I am reminded that life is fleeting.

How do I really make sense of the fact that Josh Powell chose to attack his sons just moments before he set his house on fire?

How do I make sense of a college student committing a violent act against his girlfriend, that resulted in her death?

How do I make sense of a man who molested little boys in a college locker room and now wants to sit on his back porch and watch children play on the playground at a nearby elementary school as he awaits trial?

Why do I keep hearing of countless stories of babies who are dying?

The only thing that makes sense in light of these sick, heinous acts is that we were made for more than this world.

Without preaching a sermon here, I have to go back to what I know to be true. I'm no theologian and I don't intend to start a debate, but here's what I know to be true from my understanding of Scripture (this is very much simplified and I'm sure some really smart person could fill in the gaps that I may have left).

- God created us in His image to live in perfect harmony with Him and others (Genesis 1:27).

- Adam and Eve messed it up by disobeying God in the Garden of Eden - thus sin enters the world and we are each born with this sinful nature (Genesis 3:1-7).

- Our relationship with God and mankind was broken and we now live with the consequences. As sinners, we can no longer be in a relationship with a perfect and holy God. This was the beginning of death, disease, shame, twisted thinking, etc (Romans 3:23, Romans 6:23).

- God was not willing for our relationship with Him to be broken forever, so He chose to redeem His creation (Ephesians 1:7, Titus 2:14).

- God sent His only son, Jesus, to walk this earth and eventually die for the sins of mankind. Since Jesus is part of the Holy Trinity, He was the only perfect person who could take on such a task (Romans 5:8).

- Jesus died on the cross, but death could not contain Him. He rose from the grave on the third day and conquered death!

- Since Jesus took our sin upon himself, once we choose to accept that we are sinners and confess that we believe in what Jesus did for us, we can then have a relationship with God again (Romans 10:9)!

Here's the thing, in the midst of all this craziness we see around us, there is hope! My hope is that there will be a day when I will no longer live on this broken Earth where I am surrounded by death and destruction. While I'm not saying I want to die tomorrow, my hope comes from the fact that I know there is more to this life. I was made for eternity and I have chosen to accept Christ and assure myself of living that eternity with Him!

Psalms 119:130:7

O Israel, put your hope in the LORD, for with the LORD is unfailing love and with him is full redemption.

Revelation 21:4

He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.

I don't know how people get through this life without that hope.

Where is your hope? I'd love to hear your thoughts (even if they differ from mine)!

Friends or Enemies?

2012-02-09T14:50:00.000-05:00

I think I've mentioned that I watch my friend's 3 year old little boy on a part time basis. It usually ends up being 2 days a week and it has been a hoot to see them interact with one another.

Sometimes, I find them in their latest hiding spot and can even capture a smile for the camera!

They usually play really well together!

And occasionally I'll catch him doing this!

When he hasn't gotten his fill, he will even go in for a second one!

But, that can all change within minutes!

I have to chuckle at how quickly they can go from playing nicely together to fussing over toys and wrestling each other. The good times between them far outweigh the bad and my heart melts when I hear Mason tell me that Savannah is his best friend (although the other day, he said his mommy was his best friend so I see that Savannah has already been replaced - ha!).

While I would certainly love to see Savannah having these interactions with her older brother Andrew, I'm glad that she's getting a little dose of "brotherly/sisterly love" from Mason.

Life on a Teacher's Salary - CVS 2/7

2012-02-08T20:45:00.001-05:00

Since I posted about my trip to Walgreens last week, I figured that I better give a shout out to CVS as well! As I mentioned before, I love CVS and it is definitely my favorite of all the national drug store chains (I have yet to try Rite Aid, so I can't say much about that one).

Before I show you exactly what I bought this week, here are some of the reasons why I love CVS so much (in no particular order)!

1. CVS tags their sale items and ExtraCare Buck deals very well.
I have found that it is easy to find the items you are looking for with their bright yellow tags. I do make sure to check that the tag matches the item on the shelf so that I am not getting any surprises at the register, but that's pretty painless and is a good practice for any shopper!
**In case I didn't mention it, an ExtraCare buck is basically just a dollar off coupon that can be used on a future purchase so it is basically like cash. You have a month to use them before they expire.**

2. CVS has a price scanner/coupon kiosk that is very helpful.
If I am ever in doubt about the price of the item I am considering purchasing, I just scan it quickly at the price scanner to confirm that it will ring up at the price I am expecting. This price scanner also doubles as a coupon kiosk that prints coupons after a quick swipe of your ExtraCare card. These coupons are store coupons, which is always nice because they can be combined with any other manufacturer's coupons that may be out.

3. CVS rewards loyal shoppers who use their ExtraCare card.
Not only do I get to take advantage of some great deals by signing up for an ExtraCare card (which is completely free), I get 2% of my overall spending back at the end of every quarter. I get this in the form of an ExtraCare buck that prints at the bottom of my receipt after the end of the quarter.

4. CVS rewards shoppers who bring reusable bags.
CVS offers a "green bag tag" that can be swiped each time visit the store and use your reusable bag. For every 4 swipes of your green bag tag, a $1 ExtraCare Buck will print at the bottom of your receipt. While we do recycle at home, this perk definitely encourages me to be sure to bring my reusable bag each time I shop!

Now, for the really fun stuff! Here is the breakdown of my shopping trip!

Transaction #1
Pantene Shampoo, 12.6 oz. - $3.49
Pantene Conditioner, 12.6 oz. - $3.49
Used $1/2 coupon for Pantene
Used $3 ECB from previous trip
Used $.87 ECB from previous trip
Out of Pocket = $2.45
GET = $1 ECB from Pantene deal, $1 ECB from green bag tag

Transaction #2
Zarbees Children Cough Syrup, 4 oz. - $6
**I have been keeping my eyes peeled for some children's medicines so that I'm ready when we need them, so I was excited to see this freebie (after ECBs)!
Used $1 ECB from transaction #1
Used $1 ECB from transaction #1
Out of Pocket = $4
GET = $6 ECB from Zarbees deal

Transaction #3

(1) Vicks Nature Fusion, 8 oz. - $6

(1) Vicks Nature Fusion, 20 ct. - $6

(1) Purex Laundry Detergent, 33 loads - $1.99

Used (2) $3 off Vicks coupons

Used $6 ECB from transaction #2

Out of Pocket = $2.09

GET = $3 ECB from Vicks deal

-----

Grand Total Out of Pocket = $8.54
LEFT WITH = $3 ECBs to use for another trip
Regular Retail = $43.94
Amount Saved = $35.40 or 80.6%

Not too shabby if I do say so myself and I use every bit of what I purchased. And again, I have money left over to use for next week! Double score!

Kindred Spirit

2012-02-07T13:02:00.000-05:00

In the midst of all the house stuff, I was so thrilled when one of my babyloss mommy friends wanted to schedule a brunch date. I was so excited when she emailed me about getting together this past Friday.

After not having seen her face-to-face in almost a full year, it was so refreshing to give her a big hug and reconnect! We "met" shortly after Andrew went to be with Jesus when she sent us a CD through another friend of mine. She wrote us the most thoughtful letter and included it with the gift. I had no idea that I would meet her in person just a couple of months after that when Kevin and I attended a grief seminar (that later turned into a year and a half long grief support group).

Our group eventually dissolved due to outside circumstances that had nothing to do with our group itself (long story that is not mine to share). I've missed meeting once a month, so it was especially nice to see her again and talk about our grief journey at this point as well as our living and deceased children.

We chuckled because within the first 10 minutes of our conversation, we were already talking about our firstborn baby boys in heaven. Leave it to us to start off with that! :-) We went on to catch each other up on how we are coping without our babies with us, as well as all the happenings with the rest of our families. After our meeting, I was so refreshed and thankful to have such a friend, a real kindred spirit in this grief journey.

I remember back to that grief seminar we attended in November 2009, when I first met this friend. I remember when the time came for each couple to share their stories and she was the first to share. She started sharing and within minutes, I was a puddle of tears and my makeup was long gone. What a sight I must have been!

Her story resembled ours so very much. When she spoke of the utter devastation of finding out her baby's heart was no longer beating and the overwhelming joy of holding his little body in her arms the next day, I was flooded with emotion because I had finally met someone who "got it" in every sense of the word. I remember her sharing the difficult time she had in knowing she was a mom when the rest of the world had no idea and oftentimes didn't acknowledge it, since her son in heaven was her firstborn (she has since had 4 more children). We connected instantly that day! And even when we don't see each other as often as we'd like, it's amazing how we can reconnect within seconds like we haven't missed a beat. It's amazing how God does that!

My prayer for any of you who are walking this grief journey is that God might place some kindred spirit in your life who may be able to minister to you. I'm hearing more and more stories of people who have lost babies or young children, and my heart breaks for them so much. While God is truly all we need to navigate through such a painful journey of grief (and I certainly don't mean to sound like I am minimizing that), it sure is nice to have a kindred spirit who understands too.

Life on a Teacher's Salary - Walgreens 2/1

2012-02-01T20:31:00.000-05:00

In case you haven't gathered this already, I have become quite fond of couponing! I am by no means "extreme" like you see on the cable show, but I have enjoyed learning how to be a better steward of our money. I also view it as a challenge to try and stretch our income as far as it will go! And in case you haven't given couponing a try, it's actually kind of addicting!

One of the most fun parts of couponing has been playing the "drug store game" at the national drugstore chains. CVS is by far my favorite store for this due to their simpler rewards system and coupon kiosk, but I do visit Walgreens when it seems like they have some good deals. This week, my main goal was to get some diapers. I opted for Walgreens this week because I could get diapers with less money out of my pocket.

(For the record, CVS has a good deal this week where I could have bought 4 packs of diapers for a good price, but I would have to fork out too much money up front. As I'm learning, it's not a good bargain if it means I go over my weekly grocery budget to get it.)

So, this week I planned out my trip to Walgreens. Since I don't go there as often as CVS, I always have to refresh my memory on their coupon policies. It can be a little cumbersome in my opinion. Here's how I did, followed by a breakdown of each transaction.

For the first time ever, I did this in 4 transactions! I usually hate doing multiple transactions in one trip, but it was necessary. I did it this evening when the stores were slow, so they didn't mind a bit.

Transaction #1
St. Joseph's Aspirin, 36 ct, 81 mg dose - $2
Out of Pocket = $2
GET = $2 RR (Register Rewards, which is a coupon to use on any future purchase)

Transaction #2
Blink Tears Eye Drops - $8
Russell Stover chocolate heart (filler item) - $.29 with in ad coupon
Used $1 off coupon for eye drops
Used $2 RR from transaction #1
Out of Pocket = $5.30
GET = $8 RR

The first Walgreens I visited was out of the iron supplements that I needed, so I went to another one that was close to my house. If it hadn't been so close, I would have waited until later in the week and tried to find the items once they re-stocked. Here's where it gets even better than I expected!

Transaction #3
Walgreens Ferrous Sulfate, 260 ct. - $10
**This weeks deal was for Pur Absorb Iron Supplements but they had been recalled so Walgreens offered this item in it's place with the same pricing and RR attached. They scored points on this one since I ended up with more iron pills this way! Since I take a daily iron supplement for my low platelets, this was AWESOME!**
Used $8 RR from transaction #2
Out of Pocket = $2.50
GET = $10 RR

Transaction #4 (last, but not least)
(2) Pampers Cruisers Size 4- $9.99
Russell Stover chocolate heart (filler item) - $.29 with in ad coupon

Used (2) $1.50 Pampers coupons
Used $10 RR from transaction #3
Out of Pocket = $8.28
-----

Grand Total Out of Pocket = $18.08
Regular Retail = 38.65 (it is actually higher than that b/c I couldn't find the reg. retail on the aspirin)
Amount Saved = $20.57 or 53%

While I came in $5.08 over my overall weekly grocery budget, that still isn't too shabby! And I use all of these products!

Lessons from House Hunting - I'm a People Pleaser

2012-01-26T10:45:00.000-05:00

I'm a people pleaser. I don't know if I've mentioned it here on this blog or not, but it's true. While I don't think it necessarily consumes me, it certainly is something that I struggle with and must keep giving up to the Lord.

I hate confrontation.

I want people to like me.

I want people to agree with my decisions.

Through the course of our house hunting, this struggle has managed to resurface yet again.

As I mentioned in my last post, we made an offer on a home. We found out on Monday that our offer was accepted! We had anticipated at least 1 counter, so were thrilled to find out they accepted the first offer and we didn't have to even reach our maximum! Normally, one is super excited about all this, but within 24 hours, I found myself sobbing on the phone with some family members.

Here's the thing. My family didn't approve of the house. My parents both saw the house when they were in town this past fall and voiced some concerns then. We respect their opinion and certainly considered them, but at the end of the day we decided to proceed with things this past week. As I mentioned before, we have been thinking and praying about this particular house for over 2 months, had numerous people we respect and trust look it over for us, and finally had to make the decision we felt God was leading us to make.

But, earlier this week, the fact that my family was doubting our decision was eating me up inside! I had a good cry about it with my sister, talked with Kevin and some other friends about it, and am feeling much better now. We will be having this home inspected tomorrow, so this deal is by no means done. We shall see how it all plays out.

I guess I am just realizing just how much this desire to please people affects the way that I live my life...and it breaks my heart. I can only imagine that it breaks my Daddy's heart too. While He certainly uses the people in my life to guide and direct me in certain situations, I put far too much weight in what they say.

This has been a good lesson for me. When walking according to the Lord's leading, there should be joy and not doubt. His opinion is the most important opinion after all.

And when the rest of my family thinks we're crazy, I know that my Heavenly Daddy knows what tomorrow brings and what we can handle, and would never lead Kevin and I in a direction unless He had a purpose in it. Remembering that this week has been so helpful. My load is so much lighter now!

One of these days, I may actually share their concerns, but let's just get through the inspection first and then we'll see! :-)

James 1:5-8

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.

House Hunters...On a Dime

2012-01-22T14:45:00.002-05:00

As I posted here back in November, we took a leap of faith and put our home on the market, in the hopes that God might provide us with a little more square footage for less money.  Kevin and I heard far too many times about how this is a buyer's market to not at least see what could happen.

After a slow start (right before Thanksgiving) with showings, we had an open house last Sunday and ended up with an offer in our hands on Monday night! We were starting to wonder if God just wanted us to stay put after all, which would have been alright with us.  We accepted the offer on Monday night and our home is now under contract.

We are excited, but still very much praying that God would slam all the doors shut if we are stepping out of His will for us. Our home was inspected on Friday and we are waiting to hear if they are expecting us to remedy any issues they may have found. We had it inspected it prior to listing it, so we are not anticipating anything major, but anything can happen!

So, with all that said, this week was CRAZY! The first couple of days after we accepted the offer, I was an emotional wreck! Most people are ecstatic to have a good offer on their home, but I was very scared and overwhelmed at the thought of moving out of our home in February, not knowing where we would ultimately end up. Again, we know God has a good plan for us, but it was still emotional for a couple of days!

Needless to say, after we I got past the emotions of it all, we focused on looking for homes (we had backed off a bit since we knew we couldn't do much until our home was under contract). We hadn't seen a whole lot come up since we had listed our home in November, so we weren't sure if there would even be anything else that was affordable for us in our desired area! The home which prompted all this was still on the market, but we didn't want to get tunnel vision since our first offer on that home hadn't been accepted.

We took some time this week to look at other homes and the Lord has really been leading me to pray for unity.  I felt like God was telling me to take a step back and let Him unite our hearts when it was time to make an offer on a home. We weren't sure if that would be this weekend, or months from now.

As it turned out, yesterday we visited the original home that got this ball rolling. This was our fifth visit to the home and it had been about 2 months since we had seen it. We'd had time to forget about some things and see other homes, but wanted to refresh our memories and make a decision about if we would try again at this house or just walk away from it altogether and move on.

We saw the home yesterday morning and by 2pm or so, we decided to make another offer.  Kevin and I prayerfully came up with a plan, deciding what our maximum offer would be before we would walk away from it completely. We felt good about our plan and made the offer last night.

We haven't heard back regarding our offer, but I feel an incredible sense of peace now. I feel like God has answered our prayer for unity, and we are still praying that they would not take our highest offer if He doesn't want us to have this home.  While we feel like God has led us this way, we still want to give Him room to work if this is not His desire for us.

So, we are playing the "waiting game" right now. We're not sure how it will all pan out, but totally confident in God's plan in all this.

And for the record, we think our version of "House Hunters" is far more entertaining and more realistic than what you see on TV! It could even be called "House Hunters....On a Dime!" We think it has a nice ring to it!

A Day in the Life - Dance Party

2012-01-13T23:52:00.000-05:00

In case you were wondering what I do with my day, here's a little glimpse!
(And please excuse my random singing towards the end. I forgot I was recording for a second!)

Life on a Teacher's Salary - Cash Envelope System

2012-01-11T15:08:00.000-05:00

One of my goals for 2012 (listed under financial) was to begin using a cash envelope system for our spending outside of our monthly bills and aside from a couple of other categories such as gas for our vehicles.

I've been doing it for about 2 weeks now and while I am still a certified newbie at this, I can't speak more highly of it!

For those of you who don't budget, wouldn't consider yourself frugal in the least, and have no clue what I'm talking about, here's the basic gist - use cash for most (if not all) purchases outside of your monthly bills.

There are a few reasons why I am finding that this is a fantastic way to handle our spending (in the 2 short weeks we've been doing it).

1. It forces us to stick to our budget.
After Kevin and I agreed to the budget for January, I filled up each envelope with the determined amount of money. Once it's gone, it's gone! Some may argue that using a debit card system is just as good because it prevents you from doing into debt, however, I would argue that using a debit card does not prevent you from over-spending! Yes, avoiding debt is certainly nice, but preventing over-spending is even better!

2. It forces us to think more before spending.
Now that I know what I have to spend for the month, I am much more careful about what I am buying. For example, do I really need these really cheap crackers that I have a great coupon for? Or does my family really need a gallon of milk? Using cash forces me to prioritize needs versus wants very quickly! Also, it hurts a lot more to spend in cash, so I make sure that what I am purchasing is really what I want or need!

3. It forces me to plan ahead for my spending.
While I have been doing cash only for my grocery budget for a bit now, using cash for the other areas of my spending forces me to plan ahead much more. Kevin and I are hoping to take a family vacation this summer and we are going to be using our "vacation" envelope to help us save each month!

Back in the day, this was the only way to run a household, but with the age of debit and credit cards, it's become a thing of the past.....which has gotten many people into a lot of trouble. But, I'm not here to judge! :-) My goal here today is just to share how we have chosen to implement it and perhaps encourage you to consider giving it a try at some point!

After deciding to give this a try, my first step was to sit down with Kevin and plan out the budget for the month. While we have been more intentional about sitting down together to agree to the budget each month (and praying over it as well) prior to this, I wanted to make sure we were definitely on the same page with it since we were implementing something new that would change the way we spend money!

Once we were in agreement regarding the categories of the budget, I went to the bank to withdraw the money we would need to fill the envelopes! My envelopes themselves are just ordinary envelopes with pieces of colored construction paper glued to the front and labelled with the name of the category. I have seen some really precious ways to make this system a little more exciting and CUTE! If I had some scrapbook paper lying around, I'd have been all over this idea!

Now, that our envelopes are filled, it's just a matter of using that precious cash wisely throughout the month! As I mentioned above under some of the benefits of using cash, I'm hoping to have leftover money in some of the envelopes at the end of the month. We'll have to decide how we handle that if it happens, but my thought would be to let some of is accrue up to a certain amount and then eventually spend it on pricier necessities or put it away in savings!

I'll have to report back at the end of the month on how things went! So far, so good!

Is It Just Me?

2012-01-10T17:45:00.000-05:00

Or is everyone pregnant right now?

Actually, I know everyone isn't pregnant right now. In fact, there are very few people in my immediate circle that are pregnant right now (at least that have shared with me).

I just think it's funny that I've heard of at least 5 pregnancy announcements in the past week! I have to chuckle when they tend to come in waves like that!

But, at the same time, my heart goes out to those who are still struggling to get pregnant, whether it's someone who longs for a second, third, or fourth child, but especially those who long to be pregnant for the first time. Infertility and loss have been the most difficult struggles I have faced to date. And while I hate that there are some out there who are dealing with deep pain and longing for a living baby, I have to rejoice while others rejoice.

For all of you pregnant mommies out there, know that I am praying for you and your little ones. And for the rest of you who are struggling with infertility and loss, I am praying for you as well.

Goals for 2012

2012-01-09T22:17:00.000-05:00

I love the start of a new calendar year. I know there is nothing magical about it, but I just feel like it's a nice time to set new goals and start new habits.

Last year, my main goal was to get sleep! I was still very much in survival mode after having Savannah a few weeks prior. I can say that I did achieve my one and only goal from last year! I am a well-rested momma these days and I am so thankful! I know it can always change, but I'll take it when I can get it!
I tend to be a futuristic person in general, so goals help me to keep moving forward.  Here are a few that I'd like to work on over this next year.  I've broken them down into different areas of my life. I've also tried to just stick to one for each category so that I don't get overwhelmed!

1. Spiritual
Read through the Bible in a year using the reading plan provided for our students at church.
I've made this goal before and I am embarrassed to admit that I've failed every time so far. The one thing I like about this particular plan is that there is wiggle room (it's chronological too which I really like). For instance, January only has 25 readings but the month has 31 days. I have to be honest with myself (and now you guys) and just admit that I need some flexibility or I will totally feel defeated and give up. In the past, if I missed a day and got behind, it was so challenging to catch up and it just became too much. I tend to struggle with guilt in my spiritual life anyway, so the last thing I need is a plan that allows legalistic thoughts to creep in. So far, it's going well! Keep me in your prayers on this one!

2. Marriage
I haven't talked to Kevin about this one yet, but I think we need to be more intentional about having date nights. Money is an obstacle to overcome for this one, but we have friends who are willing to help watch Savannah for us free of charge and we can be creative on low cost date ideas. We haven't been on a real date since the students at our church did Parent's Night Out last April! That's pretty bad!

3. Financial
Start using a cash only system for most areas of spending. I've been working on reducing our spending all of last year, but I still think we can tweak some more. So, after reading so many good things about it on Moneysavingmom.com, I convinced Kevin to give it a try.  Other than major bills and a couple of budget categories (such as gas), we are using all cash!  I've already seen how it changes the way we shop and think a lot harder about what things we "need."

4. Blogging
I really enjoy blogging, but I'm thinking about how I might better use this little piece of the world-wide web that I have. I'd like to blog more regularly about all the things I'm passionate about and am wondering the best way I can do that while not letting it interfere with my family life and duties at home. I tend to need structure, so I have thought about blogging about certain topics on certain days while obviously giving myself freedom for other random things I may want to post about. We'll see! If you have any ideas, let me know!

5. Reading
I'd like to read at least 1 book each month. I posted this summer about my summer reading list and have to admit that I have not completed the final book! It's terrible! I need to finish up that final book and then move on to all the others that I'd like to tackle (including Angie Smith's book "What Women Fear" that I won from Kristin at The Smith Family Journey)!

There are so many other goals I could write about, but I will totally get overwhelmed if I don't stop here. I have some ministry goals that I've been praying about as well, so we'll see how that pans out. Have any of you made any goals for the year? Or even just for this month? I'd love to hear about them!! I am always inspired by hearing from others!

Christmas Highlights

2012-01-04T12:49:00.000-05:00

We had a wonderful Christmas season! It seemed to go by so quickly, but it was filled with rest and time with family and friends. Here are some of the highlights.

December 3 - Christmas Tea with Women's Ministry
I made my own centerpiece with live greens and it turned out pretty well if I do say so myself. It was nice to meet some new ladies who aren't yet in a relationship with Jesus and just enjoy being girly together. We laughed a lot while putting our centerpieces together! The food was yummy too!

December 3 - Went to Bethlehem Walk
I posted about this here already, but again, this was a wonderful time to get my mind focused on the true meaning of Christmas before the madness set in!

December 16 - Small Group Christmas Party
Our small group Christmas party was so much fun! We decided not to do dinner, but to keep it to snacks and desserts which was a great idea! Less stress for all! We met at my friend Mary's sweet home and gathered around the wood stove, Christmas tree, and dining room table for some sweet time together. Our group has been through a lot together, so it was nice to laugh together and celebrate another year together. We also did the White Elephant gift exchange and Kevin and I did pretty well. We were to bring something from home and we ended up with some nice decorations for our house!

December 21 - Kevin's parents arrive
We had a wonderful time with Kevin's parents. They loved up on Savannah a ton and we just talked and talked and talked! We exchanged gifts with them this year since we were face-to-face (we normally pick names and mail gifts if we aren't all together). We took them on the "Tacky Light Tour" here in town and they were quite impressed! We were sad to see them go on December 26th.

December 24- Christmas Eve Service

We opted to go to the Christmas Eve service rather than going to church on Christmas Day. It was a wonderful time of singing Christmas carols and listening to the Biblical prophecies and accounts of the Christmas story. I know that no church is perfect, but I happen to love our church family! I am blessed when I am around them!

The running joke was how Kevin never smiles with his mouth open and he always squints his eyes!

So, he decided to be funny in this one and really let us see his blue eyes!

December 25 - Christmas Day
We had a wonderful time opening presents together as a family. Savannah was totally overwhelmed by all the gifts. Even though we kept her gifts to 4 (something you want, something you need, something you wear, something you read), she was spoiled by the rest of her family! She has plenty of toys to keep her busy for the rest of the year! I also made my first Christmas dinner with the help of my mother-in-law. We enjoyed a turkey breast, cornbread dressing, green beans, cranberry sauce, rolls, and pie. It was pretty yummy!

December 28 - Christmastown at Busch Gardens
My sister treated us to an afternoon at Christmastown! It was so beautifully decorated with Christmas lights that I didn't care a thing about any of the rides. If it would have been a little warmer, it would have been perfect!

We made some wonderful memories this Christmas, despite a couple of things such as my mother's femur break and Kevin and I getting a stomach bug the day his parents left. Overall, it was a wonderful time and we are so thankful! Now that Kevin is back to work after 2 whole weeks off, I'm counting down to spring break!

I hope you made some wonderful memories this Christmas season and that your new year has gotten off to a fantastic start! If not, just remember that God's mercies are new every morning!

Christmas Card

2011-12-30T21:54:00.002-05:00

I love Christmas cards! I enjoy receiving them and I usually enjoy sending them (as long as I have the time). Before having Savannah, I used to send out a little family newsletter along with our card. I hope to get back to that at some point.

Last year I didn't even get a Christmas card out since I was still far too sleep deprived to even care. We opted for a Happy New Year/birth announcement card instead. And this year, time just got away from me, so I was grateful just to get the card in the mail before Christmas.

We've celebrated 3 Christmas's with our Andrew in heaven and while you'd think I'd have the whole Christmas card thing figured out by now, I don't.

The first year, it was a given that we had to include his picture on the card. The grief was still so raw that I just couldn't not include him on the card. I also included him in the closing. If I remember correctly, I think I said something like,

Love,

Sarah, Kevin, and our angel baby Andrew

When it came time for this year's card, I wasn't quite sure what to do at first. We still miss him dearly and grieve his absence from our earthly family, but our family has grown so I wasn't sure how to handle it. After thinking about it for a few minutes, I just went with my heart. Here's how it turned out.

As you can see, I again opted to include Andrew in the closing on the card. If you are having trouble seeing it, it reads,

Love,

The Eddins Family

Kevin - Sarah - Our Angel Andrew - Savannah

It may be weird to some people, but I honestly don't care at this point - I don't mean that come across as harsh or rude at all either. I'm just starting to care less and less about what seems "normal" to everyone else and just doing what feels right for us and our family. We remember Andrew the way that works for us (I've got a whole post brewing in my head about the response to the Duggar family's tragic loss and how judgemental people have been).

Christmas cards will never be as easy and fun-loving of a task since we can't post recent picture of our growing boy, but I sure am thankful that he is part of our family and that we can show off his little sister, Savannah! God is so faithful!

Happy Birthday, Jesus!

2011-12-25T01:08:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas from the Eddins Family!

Luke 2:1-20 (New Living Translation)

At that time the Roman emperor, Augustus, decreed that a census should be taken throughout the Roman Empire. (This was the first census taken when Quirinius was governor of Syria.) All returned to their own ancestral towns to register for this census. And because Joseph was a descendant of King David, he had to go to Bethlehem in Judea, David’s ancient home. He traveled there from the village of Nazareth in Galilee. He took with him Mary, his fiancée, who was now obviously pregnant. And while they were there, the time came for her baby to be born. She gave birth to her first child, a son. She wrapped him snugly in strips of cloth and laid him in a manger, because there was no lodging available for them. That night there were shepherds staying in the fields nearby, guarding their flocks of sheep. Suddenly, an angel of the Lord appeared among them, and the radiance of the Lord’s glory surrounded them. They were terrified, but the angel reassured them. “Don’t be afraid!” he said. “I bring you good news that will bring great joy to all people. The Savior—yes, the Messiah, the Lord—has been born today in Bethlehem, the city of David! And you will recognize him by this sign: You will find a baby wrapped snugly in strips of cloth, lying in a manger.” Suddenly, the angel was joined by a vast host of others—the armies of heaven—praising God and saying, “Glory to God in highest heaven, and peace on earth to those with whom God is pleased.” When the angels had returned to heaven, the shepherds said to each other, “Let’s go to Bethlehem! Let’s see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.” They hurried to the village and found Mary and Joseph. And there was the baby, lying in the manger. After seeing him, the shepherds told everyone what had happened and what the angel had said to them about this child. All who heard the shepherds’ story were astonished, but Mary kept all these things in her heart and thought about them often. The shepherds went back to their flocks, glorifying and praising God for all they had heard and seen. It was just as the angel had told them.

1st Birthday Party

2011-12-21T09:54:00.000-05:00

One thing I'm learning as I get older (and especially as a parent) is that most plans never work out the way we think they should or as we hope they will! And when life does throw you those curve balls, you can either be miserable about it or just try and make the best of it! I try my best to live by the saying, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade!"

I have to go ahead and be honest and say that Savannah's 1st birthday was a mess! It was memorable to say the least, but more than likely we will look back on it with some good laughs at how bad the weekend was rather than all the picture perfect memories we made!

I need to preface this by mentioning that my mother broke her second femur bone on Friday morning, just hours before she and my father were due to get in the car to come down for the weekend for Savannah's party. She had broken her first femur bone 2 months ago, so needless to say, this was a total shock to everyone!

Since she was having surgery the following day, we decided to cancel the small family party we had planned and head up to Baltimore for the weekend to see my mom. It didn't hit me until late on Friday night and I had a breakdown. In the scheme of life, cancelling your daughter's first birthday is not a huge deal, but I just needed to get out my emotion about everything!

In hopes of salvaging the food that I had prepared, I packed it all up and brought it with us! I figured we could also try and have some sort of party in the evening after my mom got out of surgery and was more settled. I was determined to have some sort of celebration for our sweet girl! I got the idea for the snowman cheeseball and the snowman cake pops from Pinterest after deciding on a Winter Onederland theme a few weeks ago. I had planned to make some sugar cookies and do a hot cocoa bar, but those didn't happen since we were in Baltimore.

As it turned out, my mom didn't end up in surgery until 3pm, so my father missed the entire day with us. We were able to see my mom before surgery, but didn't have time to go back to see her after the surgery.
My sister and her family were phenomenal and humored me by attending our mini party for Savannah! Here are some more of the pictures.

Isn't my nephew Matthew the cutest?

Someone wasn't quite sure what to think of everyone singing to her!

Kevin and Savannah both celebrate a birthday on December 10th, although he's a few years older! :-)

I think someone will be asking for 2 front teeth this Christmas!

Baby Ugg boots! How cute!

Although our party wasn't quite what we had originally planned, it was a great reminder of what is truly important in life. The memories made and the time with family is more important than any "picture perfect" event that I could have ever attempt to create. And for the record, my mom has been a huge trooper through all this. She just may be the new bionic woman too with her brand new metal femurs!

12 Months

2011-12-17T10:03:00.000-05:00

Look who is now 12 months old? I guess I can stop counting months and start counting years!! I had no idea that this year would literally vanish with the blink of an eye!

Here's what you are up to now!

* You are officially weaned! You are drinking at least 3 servings of whole milk each day and I occasionally will nurse you before bed. I have had such a love/hate relationship with nursing and now that it's over, I'm still sort of sad that it's over while also so glad to have more freedom!!

* You are a great eater! You eat most everything we give you, but you have your days when you boycott certain foods that we know you like. Luckily, any boycotts have been temporary! We hope this continues for a long while!

* You are still holding strong with your 6 teeth.

* You are doing really well with your sippy cup! You use the ones with handles and just the other day, you figured out how to use the ones with a straw. It's so nice to be able to take your milk with us when we are out!

* You are still a great sleeper at night - 11 to 12 hours each night. We are so thankful and pray it continues for a long time!

* You are still taking 2 naps each day. I thought you were ready to drop your morning nap after Thanksgiving, but I was W-R-O-N-G! I think you were just getting back into your routine because you are back to napping pretty well. You were a fussy girl those couple of days when I was trying to wean you from your morning nap and are back to your normal self now!

*You are still wearing size 4 diapers.

*You are still wearing some 12 months, but you are wearing mostly 12-18 months clothing.

*You are 30 in. long (75%) and weigh 20 lbs. 9 ozs. (25-50%). You continue to be long and lean!

*You are walking more and more and getting better every day!

* You continue to get into EVERYTHING! I plan to begin "pack n play time" for a little bit each day so that you can get used to playing while being contained. Mommy also needs that time to get some things done around the house without worrying about you hurting yourself or destroying the house! :-)

*You are talking up a storm these days! I still don't understand most of it, but it's precious to listen to you! I wish I knew what was going on in that mind of yours! You are saying "Da-Da" quite a bit and it almost sounds like you are saying my first name. It's sort of funny, but when I hear you do it, I have to remind you that I am "Ma-Ma" instead!

You have been such a source of joy for us these past 12 months, Savannah! We are so blessed by your presence in our family. Daddy and I can hardly remember what life was like without you and while being a parent is not easy, we wouldn't trade any of it for the world! We pray for you daily - that God would protect you, but more importantly, that you would have a tender heart towards the Gospel. We hope you will put your trust in Jesus at a young age and serve Him for many, many days. You are our precious miracle baby, Savannah, and you will always have a special place in our hearts! We love you so very much, sweet girl!

Bethlehem Walk

2011-12-07T20:39:00.000-05:00

This past Sunday, our family travelled to Bethlehem.....well, it was actually Goochland, Virginia but who's keeping track? Last year, Kevin and I started this tradition and I'm looking forward to keeping it alive for years to come. It was bitter cold last year and I was days away from meeting Savannah face to face, so needless to say, the experience was much different this year!

For those of you who aren't familiar, the Bethlehem Walk is put on by a local church near Richmond. I would imagine that many areas have something similar. The production allows you to literally walk through the biblical city of Bethlehem and to witness the events that led up to the birth of Christ.  As you depart and make your way to the city gates, you are even given a shekel in order to pay your taxes as you enter the city gates. Roman soldiers are everywhere and beggars ask for your shekels as you walk through. It's a really neat experience.

As we walked through, we saw Mary and Joseph search for a place to stay, we witnessed the moments after Jesus' birth, heard the shepherds talk in the fields as the angel came to them, and many other highlights of the story from scripture. And if you're wondering, Savannah did fantastic! We had her bundled up in the stroller and she was pretty quiet the whole time. She eventually fell asleep towards the end.

What I love about the Bethlehem Walk is that the experience doesn't end with the birth of Jesus, but continues through to Jesus eventual death and resurrection. It's a dramatic reminder of the reason we celebrate the Christmas season, for if it wasn't for the birth of Christ our Savior, then we would still be dead in our sin.  There would be no hope....no way to become reconciled to our perfect and holy God.

I was talking with Kevin just the other day about spending deliberate time together each weekend as a family celebrating the Christmas season. Last weekend was the Bethlehem Walk and this weekend is looking like tacky Christmas lights.

As you and your family celebrate the Christmas season, I would encourage you to find ways to intentionally keep the birth of Christ at the forefront of your mind and heart. Whether it's going to The Bethlehem Walk in your town, reading the Christmas story from one of the Gospels, or doing some other activity, I can almost guarantee your Christmas season will be even more blessed! Because even if you are in the midst of difficult circumstances, turning your eyes towards Christ will bring peace. After all, He is the Prince of Peace. And who couldn't use a little peace these days? :-)

Isaiah 9:6

For a child is born to us, a son is given to us. The government will rest on his shoulders. And he will be called: Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

Thanksgiving 2011

2011-11-30T00:01:00.000-05:00

Thanksgiving 2011 was really great! We travelled up to Baltimore to spend it with my family. Here's the rundown by day.

Wednesday:
We managed to get on the road by 3 o'clock. Kev had a half day, so we were able to get on the road before traffic got real bad.

Thursday:
My sister and I went to CVS on Thanksgiving morning to stock up on all sorts of goodies. She has become a couponer as well so it's been fun to shop together for deals when we are together. Everything I purchased was free after Extracare Bucks printed and some were money makers after ECB's. Fun stuff! I spent $14 out of pocket and I think I calculated $25 in ECB's to spend on future purchases at CVS.

Later in the afternoon, we headed up to my aunt's house and had our Thanksgiving meal with the whole gang (which included my immediate family, my aunt, uncle, cousins, and my uncle's parents (he's my uncle by marriage and we love seeing his family at some of the family events). I had it pretty easy and was only in charge of 2 pies and some rolls.

We got to see my cousin for the first time since his enlistment in the Navy. He is loving it so far and it was so nice to see how happy he is! The food was delicious, but it was even more fun to just spend time together as a family.

My cousin back from the Navy posing with my aunt and Savannah.

We did have a chance to get a family picture on my aunt's staircase, but it's becoming harder and harder to get a picture where Savannah is actually looking at the camera!

Friday:
We spent most of Friday just relaxing at my parents house. It is getting more and more fun to see Savannah and my nephew Matthew (who is a beast by the way - we're pretty sure he weighs more than Savannah and he is 3 months younger) interact with one another. Being so close in age, I can only imagine the trouble they will get into as they grow up together. My niece MacKenzie is right in there with the 2 babies as well!

Friday night, we headed up to the local outdoor mall for the Christmas tree lighting. We dragged Savannah out in the colder weather and she ended up sleeping on my shoulder for the first part of the event! She even slept through Santa's arrival on a loud firetruck!

Saturday:
We didn't do much during the day on Saturday either, which was fine by me. It was so nice to not feel rushed getting ready and to have extra helping hands with Savannah! That in and of itself makes weekends with my family so great! Kevin and my brother-in-law did go fishing in the local reservoir and Kevin managed to catch a bass just before they came in! It's catch and release though, so we couldn't enjoy eating it!

On Saturday night, we went back up to my aunts house to enjoy some more time with my cousin who was home from the Navy. They threw a small party for him, so we enjoyed some more yummy food (my uncle is a wonderful cook) and good times together as a family! My sister and I decided to let our hubbies stay home with the kiddos since the party was later at night. Before we left, we got some cute pictures with the kids in their new Christmas pajamas! I won't share all of them in case some become Christmas card photos!

I hope that you all had a fabulous Thanksgiving. It is probably my favorite holiday of the entire year. I love the simplicity of it and how it puts me in a more thankful mindset. God has certainly blessed me beyond what I deserve, and I am so thankful. How did you spend your Thanksgiving this year?

On the Market

2011-11-29T17:19:00.000-05:00

To say that life around here has been busy would be an understatement. If you are friends with me on Facebook, you probably already know that we have officially put our house up on the market. Crazy, I know! And let's just say that putting your house on the market is one way to get those "honey do's" marked off your list!!

It all started out with me doing a random search a couple of weeks ago on Realtor.com. Kevin and I periodically check to see what is out there! That day, I spotted a cheap house that appeared to have lots of potential from the pictures (Translation: It needs a lot of cosmetic work to update it but is very much liveable). We have seen the house 4 times at this point, which prompted us to put our house on the market and make an offer just last week. This house still has lots of potential and is still cheap for the area, but when the sellers weren't willing to install new appliances or give us any money off the price for appliances, it made us take a step back.

We are still looking around to see what deals we might be able to find and our house is still very much on the market, but we are slowing things down a bit and seeing what all is out there besides the original house that motivated all this craziness! It's not like we can really do too much without an offer on our house anyway, so there is no need for us to get our hopes up on homes that may not even be available if and when we get an offer on ours.

We have always been very aware that God would have to provide in a miraculous way for us to be able to get a larger home that would keep our mortgage within our current budget. There just is no room to increase our payment, so the Lord has a huge opportunity to show us one way or the other where He wants us.

At the end of the day, we could end up staying put right where we are, which would be fine. We have always said that we would only move if the Lord provided a way and we want to be content wherever He has us, even if it is in a 1197 square foot house (I actually thought it was smaller than that but we got the official square footage when we had our house appraised before pricing it). :-)

So, we are putting this all in His mighty and capable hands. On a side note, our realtor has been absolutely fabulous. It's a wonderful thing when your realtor prays with you through the entire process - both over the phone and in person when visiting homes. If you are in the Richmond area and are looking for a home, email me and I will share her contact information!

I'll keep you all posted! Especially if we end up with a fixer upper! That would give me lots of blogging material!

What Could Have Been

2011-11-28T22:49:00.000-05:00

Today was one of those days when I got a glimpse of what could have been.

We had our first showing this morning, so I opted to take Savannah and Mason to Walmart (Mason is the 3 year old I have been babysitting a couple of days a week). I was only there to return an item I had purchased last night, so I decided not to worry with a shopping cart. I had Savannah on my left hip and was walking hand in hand with Mason on my right side. I couldn't help but think about the little boy on my right being Andrew. Granted, Mason and Andrew are about a year apart so it's not a direct comparison, but I couldn't help but visualize it.

I didn't break down in tears in the parking lot or loose it when I got back to the car. But, in that moment, I couldn't help but think about what it could have been with Andrew. I miss my little boy every single day and find myself picturing life with him quite often.

Just thought I'd share. :-)

11 Months

2011-11-18T21:42:00.000-05:00

I'm in total denial that my little girl is 11 months old! She's becoming more and more like a little toddler and less and less like a little baby with each passing day! Here's what you are up to now!

* You are officially being weaned! We started a week or so ago and you are down to nursing 2 times a day. You get formula in either a bottle or sippy cup for the other 2 times.

* You are basically eating all table foods these days. You seem to be a really good eater in my opinion, which I hope will continue. You had your first McDonald's cheeseburger recently and gobbled it right up! You still seem to enjoy veggies and fruits as well! I sure hope that continues!

* Your drooling has continued off and on, but still no new teeth! Time will tell I guess!

* You are slowly getting accustomed to your sippy cup. You will drink from it now, but you like to take your time with it. It can be slow, but I'm just glad to see progress!

* You are still a great sleeper at night - 11 to 12 hours each night. We are so thankful and pray it continues for a long time!

* You are still taking 2 naps each day. I started to wonder if you were gearing up to drop your morning nap, but I don't think you are ready just yet. You can do alright if you miss it one morning here or there, but overall, you seem to need at least a short nap in the morning.

*You are wearing all size 4 diapers now. I remember when they used to swallow you, but I can tell you are growing into them more and more.

*You are wearing 12 months in everything, and I am bumping you up into 12-18 months in a lot of things. Just today, your little 12 months "jeggings" seemed a little snug around your belly! I'm so curious to find out how much you weigh at your appointment next month!

*You are officially walking! A couple of days ago, you started taking a few steps independently. The longest stretch was 9 whole steps! You probably thought I was crazy for clapping and rooting you on so loudly! You still crawl when you need to get somewhere fast, but each and every day I see you walk more and more!

* You are becoming more and more inquisitive! You used to use the cabinets knobs to pull up, but now you are realizing there are lots of neat things behind those doors! I have to keep a close eye on you when you roam around the house because we still haven't baby proofed the cabinets!

*You are finally starting to figure out how to wave. You will do it occasionally, but never on command. After we left church the other day and wouldn't wave for people, I spotted you in the car waving at yourself. You know how to do it, but I guess you are being shy with it or just don't know when it's the time to do it! :-)

*You are talking even more these days! I still don't understand most of it, but it's precious to listen to you! I wish I knew what was going on in that mind of yours!

It's really hard to believe that you are almost 1 year old! We are planning a small family party at our house on your birthday. It won't be anything extravagant, but I'm excited to celebrate making it through the first year! Time flies when you are having fun!

My Hero

2011-11-07T21:02:00.000-05:00

Today is not special day for Kevin and I. Our anniversary is in July, Father's Day is in June, and his birthday is in December. But, I couldn't let this evening pass without posting about my hero, my husband, Kevin.

You see, tonight I fed Savannah dinner by myself, got her in her pajamas by myself, and put her to bed by myself. I realize that there are many women who do these sorts of things each and every day because they are single moms. They have no one to help them with the daily tasks of caring for a home and children. Many of those moms are forced to work outside of their homes out of necessity. And, I don't in anyway mean to compare myself to those women. They deserve a medal, a gold star, an extra jewel in their crown when they get to heaven.

But, while I have a tendency to get frustrated on nights like tonight when my "second string" isn't here to help out in the evenings, tonight I am filled with admiration for my husband.

As most of you who have read my blog for any amount of time know, my husband is a history teacher. He works hard during the school year and rarely comes home before 6 o'clock (although the day ends at 3:45pm), and almost always works summer school session as well. We count that as a blessing and are so thankful for the Lord's provision for us financially, but I have to be honest and admit that I have my moments when I get discouraged and wish he could earn even just a little more!

The past few years, Kevin has chosen to work extra hours for the athletic department at his school. Lately, he spends about 3 weeknights at school working all sorts of athletic events. Since we have small group on one of those "off" nights, that only leaves 1 night during the week when we have him home and all to ourselves. I have really come to treasure the weekends!

The past few years, I have come to admire my husband with a much greater depth than ever before. My decision to quit work and stay at home with Savannah was pretty much a no brainer, although it hasn't been easy (financially speaking). But, I have seen Kevin take the lead in providing for our family, and it makes me all the more proud of him.

Kevin is such a wonderful husband. He's not perfect by any means (and neither am I) and we have our fair share of disagreements (where I am usually the one asking for forgiveness because of the poor way I handled things), but it has been a joy to be his wife and to have a front row seat for his growth as a man and husband. And it has been an absolute pleasure to see him come into his role as father. I can't wait to see how his role as father changes and evolves as Savannah grows up and as we (hopefully) add more children to our family.

So, tonight while "holding down the fort," I'm choosing to be thankful for my husband, my hero. Did I mention that he was also a machine gunner in the Marines? I saved the best picture for last! Isn't he handsome?!! :-)

Our Little Flower

2011-10-31T20:44:00.000-04:00

I couldn't let the night pass by without sharing a couple of pictures of our little flower.

Our idea of trick-or-treating with Savannah included visiting my grandmother at her nursing home. We hadn't been to see her for a while, so I thought today would be a great time to visit, especially since Savannah was dressed up in her costume!

Every time we visit, Savannah is the star of the show. All the ladies love to greet her and comment about how pretty her blue eyes are. My grandmother gave her a little scarecrow on a stick, which kept her amused for quite a while.

My grandmother would love to hold her the entire time, but Savannah doesn't last too long on laps these days. She gets squirmy quickly and wants to be on the go on the floor. Luckily, my grandmother also had a doll that resembled a Cabbage Patch.

She played with it for quite a while. I tried to tell her to be gentle with the doll, but she preferred poking at her eye. I guess I have a lot of training to do with this girl when it comes to being gentle with babies! :-)

After we left the nursing home, we went across town to visit my aunt and uncle. They go all out for Halloween. I'm not sure how it got started, but even now that my cousin is out of the house at college they still make a big production of it. We were curious what they decided to do this year, so we stopped in for about 20 minutes to survey the scene before it got too spooky.

We managed to get my aunt and uncle out of character long enough to take a picture of us before we left.

On our way back home, we passed all sorts of trick-or-treaters coming down our street. We rushed inside and turned on the light so that kids would know we were giving out candy. We had a lot to give out and as much as I love leftovers, we needed to get rid of it!!

While we really aren't huge Halloween crazies, I couldn't help but get a little emotional at certain points throughout the afternoon and evening. I found myself looking down at our little flower crawling across the floor or cruising along furniture and felt like I needed to pinch myself.

It really has nothing to do with this particular day, but more of an overwhelming gratefulness to the Lord for giving us this precious little blessing that we had prayed for and dreamt about for so long (I also couldn't help but imagine what precious little costume Andrew would have been wearing if he were with us). I don't take a single one of these memories for granted and look forward to making many more! I know I'll be a basketcase by the time we get to Christmas day! :-)

Unintentional Blogging Hiatus

2011-10-25T00:04:00.000-04:00

I wanted to stop in real quick before bed tonight just to let any readers that I may have left know that my family and I are still very much alive and well! (In case any of you were worried and loosing sleep over that!). :-)

Life has managed to creep up on me and I just haven't had the time to publish very many posts lately. In case you are wondering if it's because I don't have anything to write about, wonder no longer! It's sort of funny that on every single one of my daily "to do" lists, I always have a possible blog post and I just haven't gotten around to any of them!

You know life is busy when I haven't even posted Savannah's 10 month post and she's already half way to 11 months! Or actually, is that all that rare anymore either?

Well, just wanted to stop in and say hello!

So, H-E-L-L-O! I hope to be back to posting tomorrow and the rest of the week!

10 Months

2011-10-10T13:28:00.001-04:00

Look who is 10 months old! You are as busy as ever, but here is some of what you are up to these days!

* You are still nursing 4 times a day, but you are so busy that it can sometimes be a big task to keep you still long enough!

* You are enjoying solid foods. You are still eating some purees, but you are eating more and more table food. You have tried grilled cheese, yogurt, waffles/pancakes, hot dogs, mac n cheese, biscuits, rolls, and more.

* You haven't cut any new teeth this month, but I think you have been teething off and on the past few weeks. You have been drooling more and good naps have been inconsistent. I still love seeing your smile with your top teeth showing. We laugh that they look like Chicklets!

* You still don't seem too interested in your sippy cup. You will chew on it and play with it, but I have yet to see you actually drink from it. I'm hoping you will become more interested in it soon, which would certainly make weaning you a little easier!

* You are still a great sleeper at night - usually 11-12 hours each night. We are so thankful and pray it continues for a long time!

* You are still taking 2 naps each day. Some of your morning naps have been shorter, so maybe you are gearing up to drop it in the next couple of months.

*You are wearing some size 3 and some size 4 diapers. We have a whole bunch of 4's ready to use, but that particular brand still seems way to big for you. I go back and forth between 3's and 4's in certain brands.

*You can still wear 9 months dresses, but you are wearing 12 months in everything else. I still need to pick up a couple more items for fall/winter and you should be set! I also purchased 2 new pairs of shoes for you in size 4. They are still too large for you, but I know you will grow into them. Size 3's fit perfectly right now.

*You are all over the place these days. You are becoming quite an efficient crawler, but spend a lot of time pulling up on furniture/cabinets/etc. I spotted you cruising just a little bit from one end of the couch to the other. You are also standing up in place and balancing quite well. You usually stand for a few seconds and then fall down. You are getting so big and I know walking is just around the corner!

* You love electronics, but have also learned to love the vacuum. I thought you would be afraid of the loud noise, but it doesn't scare you in the least. Once you are old enough for chores, I think we may have to let you take on the vacuuming!

*You love to touch everything, which is usually soon followed by putting it in your mouth! Just the other day, you discovered some moles on my arm, and spent a few minutes touching and inspecting them! You are so inquisitive!

*You are talking quite a bit these days. Most of it is babbling, but I have heard some "da-da's," "ma-ma's," and "ba-ba's" as well. You haven't looked at us and actually referred to us as "ma-ma" and "da-da", but hopefully soon! I love to listen in on you while you are playing and can't wait to find out what you are actually trying to say!

This year is flying by so quickly that it's scary! With fall in full swing, I can't help but remember back to where I was a year ago...getting larger and larger by the day and anxiously awaiting your birthday in December. I remember being so happy that summer was over because I knew that fall would go quickly and you'd be here with us soon! It's been fun to experience these seasons with you outside the womb this year! We love you so much, Savannah! You truly are a blessing from the Lord!

A Girl's Weekend

2011-10-05T10:29:00.000-04:00

This past weekend, Kevin and I (along with my grandmother and Savannah) travelled up to Baltimore for the weekend. I went up a few days early with my grandmother and Savannah and he joined us on Friday, so that he could watch Savannah while the ladies in my family (my mom, sister, aunt, and grandmother) went to hear Beth Moore speak downtown.

Since the Friday session would go into the evening and the Saturday session would start early in the morning, we decided to stay downtown near the arena. We made a little girl's weekend out of it! As you can imagine, the event was such an encouragement and all of us ladies left with a renewed sense of God's great love for us.

The theme of the weekend was "The Net." It amazes me how the Lord speaks to Beth only a week or 2 in advance as to what the topic of her events will be, yet she is has sufficient time to delve into and thoroughly research scripture so she can present a cohesive message. God is just awesome like that! Here are some of the notes from the weekend. I'm sure my notes won't do the message justice, but hopefully it might encourage some of you wherever you are in your life and no matter what "net" you find yourself in.

The Net - Psalm 25

Key Verse: "My eyes are ever toward the LORD, for He will pluck my feet out of the net." Psalm 25:15 ESV

1. A net is something you don't see coming.

The OT refers to nets in a negative context (except for 1 occasion).
The NT refers to nets in a positive context.
Hosea 7:12 - the net drops on top
Psalm 9:15 - people who set nets for others end up in it themselves

2. A heart can twist into a net.

This is possibly because we choose to live or reside in a net.
Ecclesiastes 7:26 - And I find more bitter than death the woman who is a trap, her heart a net, and her hands chains (the audience of this book was men, so it makes sense that the author gears it towards men).
What does a "netty" heart look like?

Ingratiate: to bring oneself into favor with someone by flattery or trying to please them
Proverbs 29:5 - affirmation with a motive
Flattery spreads a net for the feet - can become an addiction.
Habakkuk 1:15-17 - "he sacrifices to his net"
Can we say goodbye to people/relationships? = NETTY heart!
This is not: genuine encouragement and affirmation

3. Shame can knot up an insidious net.

Many of us have an innate fear of: bringing shame or being shamed.
The enemies favorite net is woven by shame.
Shame keeps us embedded in sin much longer than repentance.
Psalm 25:2 - do not let my enemies laugh at me
Shame affects your posture - we are so preoccupied with the net we often look down at our feet so we don't trip.
Luke 21:27-28 - Our redemption comes from above
Psalm 130: 7 - full redemption is when the darkness is diffused and then is used by God (through our testimony)
There is a difference between guilt and shame.

4. The Gospel casts a new kind of net.

In the Gospels, the net catches us for good.
Luke 5:1-11

vs. 4 - Jesus knows more about fishing than Simon Peter - God can use our vocation to teach us/use us for ministry.
vs. 7 - signaled - was a nod
vs. 8 - we try to push God away (Why would he want us?) but He won't go.
vs. 10 - catch men - catch them alive

5. Gospel fishing is catch and release.

vs. 10 - "from now on....."
We stay in our nets because we are afraid.

6. Nets will one day be cast into mended waters.

Ezekiel 47:1-12

vs. 8 - "fresh" - ratha (Hebrew) = healing: He will heal the waters.

I began thinking about what my net might be after the first session on Friday, and while the analogy may not apply perfectly, I'd have to say my net would probably be control. The one thing I've always wanted in life was to be married and have a family. While God blessed me early on with a wonderful man, the whole family portion has been a bit of a struggle with both some infertility struggles and loosing Andrew when he was full term. As happy as we are with our precious Savannah and as much as we love our little Andrew in heaven, we still long to have more children.

If I'm not careful, I can quickly get fearful and discouraged wondering...

Will God grant us another child?
Will it take a long time to get pregnant again?
Will we loose another baby?

Only 10 months into parenting Savannah, our beautiful miracle baby (or redemption baby as Molly Piper mentions here), I am already becoming fearful of what struggles could come. I need to let it go, but the good news is that God is working on me and I'm at least aware.

Aside from the great time hearing Beth Moore, us girls had a great time together! We stayed up later than we should have on Friday night waiting for room service and gabbing. There is just something so sweet about being together with ladies! I hope you all had a great weekend too!

A Sweet Lady

2011-09-25T13:42:00.001-04:00

It's not all that often that I get to talk about Andrew these days, and especially not outside of explaining to people that he is actually in heaven and no longer with us. Well, a sweet lady at CVS gave me the opportunity a week or so ago. (For the record, I officially love CVS - if you want to learn how to play the "drug store game" and get lots of household items for dirt cheap, click here or here).

As I was checking out in her line, she made a comment about the ring that I had on my right finger. It went something like this.

Cashier: "August birthday?"

Me: "No, my birthday isn't in August, but my son's is."

Cashier: "Peridot, right?"

Me: "Yes, good memory."

Just a short little dialogue about my ring did my heart good that day. And I was thoroughly impressed that she recognized Peridot as the August birthstone. :-)

Me and My Shadow

2011-09-23T21:47:00.001-04:00

While having a mobile baby certainly keeps me on my toes even more these days, my favorite part about Savannah being able to crawl is this......

And this....

And this...

This precious little girl follows me all over the house and wants to be right where I am. And though it may become an annoyance at some point, for now, I wouldn't have it any other way! It certainly makes unloading the dishwasher a lot more fun!

Where Were You?

2011-09-11T22:50:00.001-04:00

I was a junior in college at the time. I had just finished eating breakfast with a good friend of mine and was trudging up the hill from the local fast food joint on campus when a sorority sister of mine told me the news - that the World Trade Center had been hit.  She was clearly shaken by the news, especially since she was from New Jersey and had relatives who worked in New York City. She told me that her family was alright, and I continued up the hill to my dorm room.

I didn't have class until later in the afternoon, so I just sat in front of my tiny television and watched the news coverage.  I was stunned by what I was seeing, but also in complete disbelief. Could this really be happening?  It almost seemed like a scene from a movie rather than reality. I remember talking to Kevin on the phone as some of the morning unfolded. He was in community college in Mississippi and we had just begun dating 2 months prior.

A couple hours later, I headed off to my class. I remember being upset that my professor still held class that day. I'd like to think she was so shocked that she didn't know how to even respond, so she just glanced over the events and held class despite.

As the days unfolded, we participated in candlelight vigils and prayer vigils. Members of all faiths came together to remember those who died and to seek comfort from each other as we all tried to make some sense of the events.

Looking back, now 10 years later, I can honestly say that I was so ignorant of the gravity of the events on that day. Yes, I knew that the world was going to be a different place. I was much more aware of the fact that terrorists really did exist, and that they were indeed out to harm our country. Yes, I was proud of the men and women who were heroes on that day. But, I had no clue how difficult a day it was for those many families who experienced the loss of loved ones. I thought I had a clue, but in all reality, had no concept at the time.

This year, I have watched a couple of the programs commemorating 9/11 and my heart has been so heavy.  In some ways, I feel like I'm reliving the events in a new way this year. Perhaps I was too distracted with my own grief the past couple of years to open myself up to feel the pain of those victims. Or maybe it's because it's the 10th anniversary of the events. Whatever the reason, my heart has been heavy for these people who are missing fathers, mothers, sisters, brothers, friends, etc.

It did my heart good to see that many of the families have moved forward with their lives in a positive way, but I'm sure there are many who are still struggling. I don't necessarily agree with the saying, "Time heals all wounds." My heart and prayers go out to all those affected by the events on 9/11/2001. This year, I am grieving with you, and praying that you receive comfort from the One who does heal all wounds.

9 Months

2011-09-10T23:29:00.001-04:00

It's hard to believe that you are 9 months old, Savannah! I have to chuckle at how much faster time flies by with you outside of my belly than it did when you were in it! It's hard to believe that fall is here and in just a blink of an eye, you will be turning 1! I get choked up just thinking about that. Here's what you are up to these days!

* You are still eating 4 times a day. You are still nursing well, but sometimes I wonder if you will make it all the way to 1 year. You are so busy that you hardly stay still long enough to drink your milk!

* You are still enjoying solid foods, but it seems like you are starting to have more opinions about what you want and how much of it you want. You are still eating purees, although I am making them chunkier for added texture. I am still working on transitioning you to more table food, and I try and give you some of whatever we may be eating. You tend to prefer the "less messy" finger foods like Cheerios and mostly play with foods like bananas. I can already see that mealtime is going to get messier!

* You have 6 teeth now - 4 on the top and 2 on the bottom! I love seeing your top teeth when you smile, although you look so much older now!

* You still don't seem too interested in your sippy cup. You will chew on it and play with it, but I have yet to see you actually drink from it. I'm hoping you will become more interested in it soon! I may opt to try the straw sippy cups to see if you have a preference.

* You are still a great sleeper at night - usually 11-12 hours each night. We are so thankful and pray it continues for a long time!

* You are still taking 2 naps each day, although they are sometimes unpredictable. Some days you nap perfectly and others you sleep just an hour or so at each nap. I aim for 1.5-2 hours for each nap, but I have to remind myself that you are not a robot. Napping is also a little harder since you are mobile now. You like to stand up when you wake up, which makes falling back to sleep a little less likely if you wake up early. Overall, you seem well-rested and happy, so I am grateful.

*You are still wearing size 3 diapers, although you are on the verge of moving up to size 4's. Your 3's are getting a little snug, so we may just have to bump you up once we have used up all the 3's that we have.

*You weighed 18 lbs. 14 ozs. (50%) and measured 28.25 inches (50-75%) long at your 9 month check up. The doctor said you looked great and was very pleased!

*You can still squeeze into a few of your 6-9 months clothes, but you have outgrown most of them and are into 12 months clothes. Just this past week, I have been working on pulling out all your fall/winter clothes!

*You spend most of your wake time on the floor, crawling all over the house. You will spend some time playing with toys on the floor, but so much of your time is spent following me around while I do housework. You will go into the exercauser or the jumper if I need you contained, but you do not like to be in there long! You like to be out and about!

* You love to explore! I love to watch you spot something on the floor and then go straight after it until you get it. You love electronics and will go after the remote and my cell phone with a vengeance.

* You are getting really good at pulling up! You pull up on the couch, kitchen chairs, cabinet doors, and anything else that you can find to grip! Sometimes you even protest nap time/bedtime for a few minutes by pulling up in your crib. We heard you beating on the crib rails the other night!

The time is literally flying by, Savannah, and next thing we know, we will officially have a toddler on our hands! It has been a true joy to watch you discover new things! We can't wait to see what you will be up to next!

Do You See What I See?

2011-09-10T14:17:00.001-04:00

Those would be Savannah's teeth marks on the side of her crib rail! It probably sounds weird, but I'm so thankful that our brand new crib set is finally getting some teeth marks on it. After we lost Andrew, I wasn't sure we'd ever see them! We are so blessed!

Another One Bites the Dust

2011-08-26T22:52:00.000-04:00

This past weekend, Kevin and I travelled up to New Jersey for a wedding! My dear college friend (and roommate for a year) was getting married and there was no way we were missing the event. I was also asked to read in the ceremony, which I was honored to do. I have to say that it was a little comical that they picked the Protestant girl to read a passage from a book found in the Catholic Bible. I didn't know how to pronounce the book of Sirach until the day of the rehearsal! It all worked out though! :-)

We decided to let Savannah spend the weekend with Mimi and Baba up in Baltimore while we were away. I was a little anxious at first and we missed her like crazy, but she did great! And even though I felt like a piece of my heart was missing with Savannah being in Baltimore, it was really nice to be away... just Kevin and I. Don't get me wrong, I love our daughter so much that it hurts sometimes, but there's something so nice about being with your spouse for an entire weekend without the worries of taking care of a baby.

We decided to drive up to Baltimore on Thursday night so we could spend a little time with my family before we travelled the rest of the way to New Jersey. I also wanted to get Savannah settled in a little before we had to leave her. On Saturday morning, we left Baltimore for New Jersey to attend the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. We enjoyed a great meal and got to share/hear stories about the bride and groom. I've known her for 12 years at this point and we shared some great memories during college, so it was nice to reminisce! I was enjoying the rehearsal dinner so much that I didn't get any pictures! :-(

We need a new camera that can zoom in and not take dark pictures!

Bride and groom rehearsing with the priest.

The wedding ceremony was at 3pm on Sunday, so we had the morning to sleep in a little and take our time getting ready. It was a beautiful ceremony and the bride looked gorgeous! You could see the love on their faces and it is obvious that they are head over heals!

Could they be anymore giddy?!

The reception was quite the event going from 6pm-midnight! We started the reception off with some delicious food. The cocktail hour could have been a meal by itself, but then we headed into the ballroom for a the official dinner - filet mignon, green beans, and some sort of potato! Yum-O!

Getting ready to dig in! Poor Jason was making a weird face in the background!

There was dancing throughout the entire reception and I'm proud to say that Kevin actually enjoyed himself out on the dance floor! I practically had to twist his arm to dance with me at our own wedding, so this was a huge accomplishment!

Kevin and I really had a wonderful time celebrating Claudine and David's wedding, and enjoyed some extended time together just the two of us. We also had a blast catching up with some old friends that we don't get to see nearly enough.

My college roomies (LOVE them)! We shared an apartment our senior year!

Richmond Spider grads represent!

And it's looking like we may be attending another wedding in the spring when another college friend is getting married (they just recently got engaged)! Can't wait for that one too! :-)

Have any of you been to any fun weddings lately?

Our Family Celebration

2011-08-11T22:22:00.000-04:00

It's only been 2 years since we lost Andrew and I'm already noticing some patterns with how our family chooses to celebrate his birthday. I always have these big ideas in my mind of how I think we should spend the day, but those ideas never end up coming to fruition. And that's okay...for the most part.

Last year, I wanted to plant a tree. This year, I wanted to do a family trip out of town. For various reasons, neither of those things happened. But, we did have a great day celebrating our sweet boy Andrew. My family was already in town, so we had them over for dinner and dessert. It was nice family time and Andrew was remembered, which was my main goal.

Though I'm sure the specifics of our annual celebration of Andrew's birthday may change, we've managed to start 2 traditions. I hope to add more as the years continue and our child/children get older and can participate more.

We eat birthday cake!

No birthday is complete without birthday cake. Last year, I purchased a cake from a local grocery store but this year, I opted to bake my own. It wasn't decorated with anything fancy, but it was made from the heart! Granted, it was a box mix with store bought icing, but it was tasty if I do say so myself! Savannah enjoyed taking a chunk out of the cake too! I think this is a taste of what's to come at her birthday party this winter!

We make a contribution to a non-profit organization.
(Disclaimer: I don't mean for this to sound self-righteous, but I thought I'd mention it in case any of you are looking for ideas on how to honor a loved one you have lost through monetary gifts.)
Last year, we donated to Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep. They do such amazing work for parents who have lost a baby. We were in such a daze when I delivered Andrew and only managed to get 6 or so pictures on our camera, so we really treasure the pictures taken by the NILMDTS photographer. This year, we decided to donate to the Isaac Delisle Golf Tournament. The funds raised from this event will benefit the Isaac Delisle Foundation, which provides support provides support for bereaved parents who have lost a child through miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant death; to parents who have chosen to continue a pregnancy despite a poor or fatal prenatal diagnosis; and to other organizations and institutions who care for such parents. It just so happens that some of the money they raise from this event will be going to NILMDTS as well. If you can, please be praying for the tournament that is coming up on August 19th!

While there's always part of me that thinks we should do more to celebrate and remember our little boy on his birthday, I have to remember not to be too hard on myself. The reality is that Andrew is missed each and every day. And while his birthday is certainly special to us, celebrating it with him in heaven will never feel "normal," no matter how we choose to celebrate. But, in the meantime, Savannah gets to enjoy birthday cake at least twice a year!

8 Months

2011-08-10T22:55:00.001-04:00

Savannah, I can hardly believe you are 8 months old!

* You are still eating 4 times a day. You are still nursing, but either you are much faster at getting what you need, or you just aren't as interested. You usually nurse 6 minutes on one side and I'm lucky to get 3 minutes on the other. I was a little anxious about that at first, but the doctor said that was normal at your age. So busy!

* You are still enjoying solid foods. You are basically eating the same things as last month, which is mostly purees, although I'm letting you explore a little with very soft table food that is cut up in small pieces. You aren't all that interested in eating it, but certainly love playing with it! You do enjoy feeding yourself your Gerber puffs!

* Your top teeth are starting to poke through! I can feel them but they aren't all the way through yet!

* You are not too interested in your sippy cup yet. I have started letting you hold it after you wake up from your afternoon nap, but you mostly just chew on it. I am hoping you will take more interest in it eventually. Right now, I am just filling it with water, so maybe you need more of an incentive to get you to drink from it!

* You are still a great sleeper at night. Most nights, you are in bed by 7:30pm and we don't hear you wake up until 7:30am. Occasionally, you will wake up early or it takes a little bit for you to fall asleep, but it's very rare. I hope you will continue to be a good sleeper! We are much happier parents when we are rested! :-)

* You are officially down to only 2 naps - one morning and one afternoon. Your morning nap is usually 1.5 hours long and your afternoon is usually 2 hours long. You are a fairly good napper, but you have your "off" days. In fact, this week you have not napped as well but I think it's related to teething. We also decided to move your crib mattress all the way down since you are becoming more and more active. We found you sitting up in your crib one morning when we went to get you!

*You are still wearing size 3 diapers. I stocked up on some size 4 that were on sale and they look so big! It may be awhile until you grow into those. I may need to buy more size 3 to get you through until you are ready for them!

*You are still in size 6-9 months clothes, although you can wear some 12 month outfits. Your pajamas are getting a little snug too, so I'll probably have to bump you up soon - just in time for cooler weather hopefully!

*You are doing great sitting up, so I often sit you down in front of a basket of toys and let you play by yourself. You will sit contently for quite a while all by yourself!

*You continue to be interested in everything and everyone around you. You are becoming more and more vocal when things are quiet, but you love being with other people and watch what they are doing.

*You are officially crawling! You had been spending lots of time rocking on your hands and knees and just today you decided to take the plunge. You are only taking a few "steps" at a time right now, but I can see that quickly the world will be at your fingertips!

You continue to be a true joy, Savannah! Just today, I was telling your daddy that you are a ray of sunshine in our home! We are so thankful for your presence with us and look forward to seeing what God has in store for you!

Life on a Teacher's Salary - Part 2

2011-08-08T23:59:00.001-04:00

As I mentioned in my last post, Kevin and I are learning a lot about how to live on less and be better stewards of the money with which the Lord has blessed us. And for the record, I hope that post didn't sound like I was trying to complain about life on one salary. I certainly have frustrating and discouraging days, but in the scheme of things, I don't want to ever sound ungrateful for the salary we do have. There are so many who are out of work right now in our country and so many countries that live in poverty on a daily basis, so I hope my words didn't make it sound like we are complaining about our situation. We are blessed, for sure!

With that said, here are some of the ways we are trying to streamline our budget and live on less.

1. Create a realistic budget (and stick to it).
- Since discovering Dave Ramsey, we plan our spending for the month using our monthly budget. Although it's relatively the same each month, it flexes a little based on what we have going on for the month.
- Before children, we did our best to save as much as possible, but we were not always great at sticking to our monthly budget. Since we had some "wiggle room," we were a little looser with our budget. It was more like a guideline, but not a definite plan.
- Now that we are living on one salary, we are forced to stick to the budget, unless we want to dip into savings or acquire debt. Since we worked so hard to get out of debt, we have no interest in going there again!

2. Don't forget to tithe!
- I don't mean to start a debate on tithing, but I would definitely encourage you to keep this a priority in your financial life. While it's not one of the "10 commandments," it's definitely a practical way of acknowledging that the money we have is a blessing from the Lord and that ultimately it all comes from Him.
- When we first started living on one income, we were a little bit short each month. Luckily we had put money away for this "adjustment period" in case we ran into that problem. It just so happened that the amount of money we were short was exactly what our tithe would be. For a split second, it was tempting to consider discontinuing our tithe until we could figure things out. We decided to continue tithing and trust the Lord to either increase our income or help us reduce our spending so we would not continue to have this gap in our budget each month. He has been faithful!

3. Use cash for as many categories as you can.
- This day in age, using cash for every budgeted item is not possible. For example, it's probably not the best idea to mail cash to your mortgage lender each month. But, perhaps it would be possible to pay cash for your groceries, clothing, or recreation/entertainment categories?
- We have found that using cash helps us to make better purchasing decisions. Once the cash is gone, it's gone, so we are less likely to be impulsive. This has worked especially well at the grocery store. I use the calculator on my cell phone to add up everything as I go so that I don't go over!

4. Create a weekly menu.
- This is one of the major ways we have been able to trim our grocery budget. Every Sunday evening/Monday morning, I sit down and create a weekly menu for our family. I plan out how many meals I will need to cook, decide on what those meals will, and then make my grocery list. This has prevented lots of last minute shopping trips. And for us, the fewer shopping trips we make, the less likely we are to overspend! We are easily tempted, what can I say?
- I also make a point to choose my meals based on what I currently have in my pantry as well as what is currently on sale at the grocery store. This brings me to my next point.

5. Shop the weekly sales and use coupons as much as possible!
- My newest hobby is couponing! I have found that I can buy a lot more, save a lot more, and have a better stocked pantry by shopping the weekly sales and then combining those deals with coupons! I'm not one of those "extreme couponers," but there are a lot of good deals to be had if you are willing to spend a little time doing some research. I could do a whole post on just this topic alone, but not today (maybe that will be part 3?)!

Overall, the biggest adjustment to living with less is changing our entire mindset. We always thought we were pretty frugal, but we are realizing that we were "looser" with our money than we originally thought. When we used to make dinner plans before even thinking about the budget, now we have to think ahead about whether we have the money in our entertainment budget and we may opt to have people eat in with us instead. When we used to purchase all of our clothes brand new from our favorite clothing stores, now we consider whether we can find them at a consignment store or on the clearance rack (and with coupons) at our favorite stores! :-) It hasn't been an overnight change and we are still learning a ton, but on most days it's been a good challenge for us to find new ways to stretch our bucks!

Do you have any good ideas to share on how you and your family save money? I'd love to hear them!

Happy 2nd Birthday, Andrew!

2011-08-07T22:36:00.000-04:00

It was 2 years ago that I laid eyes on you for the first time. I was so ready to finally see my precious baby boy. I knew it would be a difficult day, but I tried to focus on the immediate joy that was before us......seeing you and holding you.

Did you know that many people were praying for us on that day?

It was both one of the happiest days in my life, yet also the saddest, all at the same time. Those moments with you were priceless. I prayed that we would witness a miracle and be able to hear you cry, but that was not part of God's plan. You entered the world silently, yet your impact on our life has been loud and profound.

Do you know that you have changed me forever?
Do you know that I think of you every single day?
Do you know that I long for heaven in a new way because of you?

I held you for a good while, alternating between kissing your cute nose and patting your bottom, as if to sooth you. I guess that mommy instinct kicked in immediately, even though you were already in heaven. As painful as it was to eventually hand your cool body over to the labor and delivery nurse after our time with you, I would do it all over again if it meant I could hold you again and kiss your nose one more time. I could have held you for the entire day, but I knew deep down inside that an entire day would never have been enough.

Do you know how badly that we wanted you?
Do you know that we prayed for you each and every day during my pregnancy?

It's hard to believe it was 2 years ago that we met you for the first time and also said goodbye to you for the last time. When we see you again, there will be no more tears....there will be no more goodbyes. We look forward to that day so very much. But in the meantime, we trust that your days are filled with utter joy! Praise be to God, for our prayers were answered! We wanted you to know Jesus some day, and now you are with him for eternity! Happy 2nd birthday, sweet Andrew! We trust the party in heaven is far better than we could ever imagine!

Our Water Baby

2011-08-05T13:12:00.000-04:00

So far, Savannah loves the water! She really enjoys bath time and just recently was introduced to pools! We started off slowly though.

Kevin and I decided to purchase a kiddie pool a few weeks ago. It's been so hot this summer and I was just dying to see her wear one of her cute swimsuits! As soon as we got home from purchasing it at Walmart, we immediately filled it up so she could hop in.

She really enjoyed it! She doesn't mind getting splashed or getting water in her face, which is so nice! She enjoyed me squirting her some with the hose when we were filling it up!

Just this past weekend, we took Savannah to a public pool. We were in Baltimore visiting my family for the weekend so went with my sister to their pool. I loaded her up with sunscreen and I took her all around the pool with me.

Then Kevin had his turn. He even took her to the deep end!

She kicked her legs and almost looked like she was doing her own version of the doggy paddle. She was in no hurry to get out, except I needed to feed her lunch.

I'm so glad that Savannah seems to enjoy the water. It makes it nice for bath time, but I'm also hoping it will help when it comes time for swim lessons. And since her daddy was a pretty good swimmer, I'm hoping she got his swimming genes. Time will tell!

We are hoping to make it to the beach at some point before summer is over. I can't wait to see our girl swim in the ocean! Knowing that so many people in Africa are suffering through famines due to droughts, we are especially grateful to be blessed with water.

John 7:38 - NIV

Whoever believes in me, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within them.

Living on a Teacher's Salary - Part 1

2011-08-03T10:11:00.000-04:00

Living on one income no easy task these days, especially when that single income happens to be a teacher's salary. We've been doing it for exactly 8 months now and while it's been nerve-wracking, scary, and extremely frustrating at times, I can honestly say that the Lord is blessing our decision for me to be a stay-at-home mommy. We knew it was what He wanted for our family, so it's been nice to see how He's chosen to provide for that to happen so far.

Kevin and I felt like this was God's plan for our family from the beginning, so we did our best to plan ahead for it. And while I certainly wanted to get pregnant and bring a living baby home sooner than we did, I will say that God used those years to help prepare us financially for living on Kevin's salary alone.

Once we were somewhat financially stable, we did our best to eliminate any debt we had. We were blessed to have very little in the scheme of life, so we started off on the right foot. I won't sit here and take too much credit for that because a lot of that was due to my parents funding my college education and Kevin going into the military, which helped fund the vast majority of his college education. All that to say, we have been blessed and were given a good foundation.

But, within a couple years of our marriage, Kevin's father spoke to us about this person named Dave Ramsey and his Total Money Makeover using the 7 baby steps. I've always been interested in finances, so this was right up my alley. After sharing what I had read in Dave's book with Kevin, he was on board and off we went! Fortunately, we were able to pay off the debt that we did have within 2 years or so. And for those Dave Ramsey junkies out there, we are working on baby step 4. We've been stuck on it for a little while as we try to find a way to increase our retirement savings, all while living on 1 income. It's been tough to say the least when you already feel like your budget is stretched to the max.

It's been amazing to see how the Lord has been providing for us. As extra "things" have come up, the Lord has provided the funds at just the right time. Just when we needed to purchase a few unbudgeted items for Savannah, Kevin landed some yard cutting jobs. When I found out I needed a root canal and crown, a job doing some interior painting popped up to help cover some of the costs (it still sickens me to think how much this stupid tooth is costing us!).

While the Lord has definitely been doing His part to provide for our needs, we've been learning some things ourselves on how to live on less and be better stewards of the money we do have. I'll share some of them next time. This post is getting too long!

Top 10 Lessons Learned Regarding Dental Health

2011-07-24T23:14:00.000-04:00

Thanks for the kind comments from my last post. I appreciate your words of encouragement and suggestions. I'd like to think I'll get this whole grief thing down one of these days, but I'm not sure that will ever happen. Thankfully, God's grace is sufficient for all the awkward moments and difficult situations that we may face. He has been so faithful!

I just wanted to post a few recent lessons learned regarding dental health. Call it my top 10, if you will.

1. When you have a cavity filled, it's followed by temperature sensitivity, and your dentist refers you to an endodontist, go!

2. Don't wait over a year to schedule your consult with the endodontist just as the temperature sensitivity is turning to pain, and expect to get in right away!

3. Don't be stubborn and avoid taking Ibuprofen when the tooth aches.

4. Don't wait until the tooth is throbbing to begin to take Ibuprofen and expect it to help immediately!

5. Orajel will not help an infected tooth! And neither will making groaning noises curled up in the fetal position on your bed!

6. Local anesthetics are wonderful!

7. Infection smells disgusting, especially when it is coming from a tooth in your own mouth! Gross!

8. You will feel immediate relief from temperature sensitivity and relief from all pain within a day or so after part 1 of root canal.

9. Root canals are wonderful - as least compared to the pain involved prior to having the root canal!

And last, but no least......

10. Don't cancel your dental insurance prior to having your temperature sensitivity issue resolved - root canals are expensive!

Frustrated With Myself

2011-07-22T20:55:00.001-04:00

I did it again. You'd think I'd get used to the question, but for some reason, I feel like I stumble over my answer every single time.

A kind lady was complementing Savannah while Kevin and I were at Target this afternoon and I was trying to get some pictures printed. We had also just run into a friend of ours and were chatting with her when the nice lady asked it.

"Is she your first?"

I took the easy route, gently nodding my head and answering, "Yeah."

I immediately felt guilt and wanted to kick myself for not being completely truthful.

I'd also like to think I would have answered it differently had we just not walked in from the 102 degree heat wave we've had here, but I probably wouldn't have.

The truth be told, I still don't know exactly what to say when people ask me this question. It was difficult when I was pregnant with Savannah, but I did have some practice answering it correctly. I stumbled some but had gotten my response down for the most part. Now that Savannah is here, I guess I just haven't been asked that question all that much so I'm really not as used to answering it anymore.

As we were driving home, I talked with Kevin about the situation a little bit and expressed my frustration. The part that makes me the most upset is not even that I have to even have this sort of internal struggle with how to answer that question. (Although, trust me, I really really wish I had Andrew here in the flesh and this question would not even be an issue for me. I still miss that little boy like crazy!) The main reason that I get so frustrated with myself is that my answer to this question does not come naturally.

Why do I even think about how to answer that question?

I wish my answer came naturally and was just an outflow of what Kevin and I know to be true about our family.

Savannah is not our first child. Why is that so hard for me to say when strangers in Target ask me?

*Sigh*

7 Months

2011-07-10T09:44:00.001-04:00

Savannah, you are now 7 months old! I'm already getting a little emotional that our girl is getting closer and closer to being 1 year old! This is all happening way too fast!

*You are eating 4 times a day, every 4 hours during the day. You are still nursing well!

*You continue to enjoy your solids. You usually eat oatmeal & fruit for breakfast, yellow veggie & fruit for lunch, green veggie & oatmeal & fruit for dinner. Your favorites seem to be sweet potatoes and peaches, but you really seem to enjoy everything we have fed you so far. I've been making your baby food for a few weeks now, which has been a lot of fun. I am looking forward to being more daring as we continue on!

*You are still enjoying your highchair and we have enjoyed having you sit at the table with us when we eat our dinner. You watch us like hawks, so we may try and experiment with some finger foods and sippy cups soon.

*You continue to sleep well at night, although you have started to wake up a little earlier in the morning. You are in bed by 7:30pm and we hear you at 6:45 or so, but we let you stay in your crib until 7am.

*You are in the process of transitioning to 2 naps a day. For a few days, you decided to play in your crib for over an hour at night before falling asleep and still woke up at 6am, so I think you were ready to drop that catnap.

*You are wearing size 3 diapers now. They seemed so big at first but you are filling them out well now.

*You weighed 17 lbs. 7 ozs. (50-75%) and measured 27-3/4 in. (95%) when I took you for your check up at the doctor on July 5th. The doctor raved about you and your progress, which made me so proud! You cried a little after your shots, but you were fine within 5 mins afterwards.

*You are wearing 6-9 months clothes. You are getting long for even some of those, so we'll see how long you last. I've been trying to stock up a little on some discounted summer clothes for next year which has been fun!

*You still love to talk when you are playing by yourself, but also love to squeal and scream too. You can be quiet and contemplative at times but can also get loud when you want! You are very interested in everything around you and are constantly turning your head and watching what people are doing. You are easily distracted!

*You are much more interested in reading and books than you used to be. You like to bat at the books and try to help Mommy and Daddy turn the pages. You try and eat the books too!

*You put anything and everything in your mouth these days! You still love your thumb, although it mostly just comes out either when you are eating or when you are tired. You have also cut your first tooth and I think you are working on another one since you are drooling a lot and have had a bit of a runny nose the past couple of days!

*You are sitting up really well now. I still like to sit behind you in case you loose your balance, but I rarely have to catch you. I have even watched you get yourself from sitting to laying on your back. It wasn't the most graceful transition, but you did it! You also like to stand up when I pull you up from laying on the floor. You are getting stronger and stronger!

*You are getting more and more mobile, although still no crawling! You turm over constantly and just today, you did a complete circle while on the floor. You are all over your crib when you are playing in there after you wake up from naps. I wish we had a video monitor to see how you get from one place to the next in your crib!

We have enjoyed spending this summer with you, Savannah! You fill our hearts with such joy! We love you so very much and can't wait to see what God has in store for you!

Summer Reading

2011-07-09T08:29:00.000-04:00

Summer reading used to be mandatory when I was in high school. Each summer, we were told to read 2 assigned books and be prepared to have some sort of assessment when we returned to class after Labor Day. I used to hate those summer reading assignments and usually waited until the week before to try and track the books down at the bookstore or library and then speed read through them. I don't know if it was the book selection or just the idea that someone was forcing me to read during my summer break, but I can't think of a single summer reading book that I actually enjoyed.

I actually really do enjoy reading. I think I always have, but I certainly prefer being able to choose what I read rather than a teacher or professor choosing my books for me. I was talking to my mother just today about how summer seems to be flying by so fast. It seems like just yesterday that Kevin ended the school year (although summer school is now in full swing) and we were off on our vacation - our official start to summer. It's crazy how quickly time flies these days. (I know it's an entirely different post for an entirely different day, but I remember how slowly time went by right after we lost Andrew. It was like the world stopped turning and I was stuck in time).

I have decided to let you in on my plans for my own personal summer reading list, and I am pleased to say that I have already completed one of the books. This list is mostly books that I've had lying around for a while and have been wanting to read, but just haven't had the time (the past few books I have read were just after Savannah was born and strictly related to learning to care for an infant- the urgent won out over pleasure reading). Well, my goal this summer is to make the time to read some all of these books!

I'm trying to make a conscious effort to stop my day at 10pm (Am I the only one who has a tendency to grocery shop and make baby food after 10pm some days?). My hope is that I can spend between 30 mins-1 hour reading and then try and be asleep by 11pm. We'll see how it goes! So, here's my list.

~~1. Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers~~ - EXCELLENT!! I would recommend this to every woman!

2. Heaven Is For Real by Todd Burpo

3. Bringing Up Girls by James Dobson

4. This book hasn't been decided yet, but I was thinking about a money-saving or financial book. Let me know if you have any good ideas for this. We love Dave Ramsey and have already read his Financial Makeover book, but would love to hear some other good ones.

I'll let you know at the end of the summer how the rest of my reading goes.

Any good books that you've read recently?

Summer Vacation 2011 - Gatlinburg, TN

2011-07-07T00:31:00.000-04:00

I figured that I better hurry up and get a post in about our recent vacation, or it might not happen at all! That's just how things have been around here these days - ha!

We tend to do family vacations and have lately been alternating between my family and Kevin's. Over our spring break trip to visit Kev's family, it was decided that we'd all try and head to Gatlinburg, TN for our summer vacation. With our tight budget these days, I wasn't sure how it would work only having 2 months to come up with the money, but the Lord was so faithful in providing all the funds. Kevin had some money for extra duties roll in and had been working extra events at school and mowing yards to help with our spending money.

We left for Tennessee the day after Kevin's final day of school. I don't know about him, but I was giddy about getting away as a family for an entire week. I was thrilled to spend some good time together and also have Kevin around during the days (it's such a treat for me to have him around to help with Savannah!). Savannah did really well travelling, although our 7.5 hour drive took more like 10 hours with all the stops to feed Savannah (and ourselves). But, we took our time and enjoyed the journey. Life is more about the journey than the destination anyway, right? :-)

We stayed in a chalet way up in the mountains in Gatlinburg, TN the week of June 18th-June 25th and had a wonderful time. Here's a little rundown of our trip in case any of you plan to visit there.

Sunday - We spent most of the morning relaxing, but did make a trip to the grocery store to stock up on food for the week. Since this was Father's Day, we let the dads decide where to eat. Can you believe they chose Pizza Hut?

Can you tell MawMaw (especially) and PawPaw were in heaven?

Monday - We rode the Tram into the town of Gatlinburg and spent the afternoon there. The Tram is basically a car attached to a cable that runs from the ski resort area down the mountain to the valley where the city of Gatlinburg is located. It was a nice way to see the city as we came down the mountain. We walked up and down the main road in Gatlinburg and looked around lots of shops.

On the Tram

Savannah was a real trooper!

Tuesday - We spent the day in the Great Smokey Mountains National Park. We had a picnic lunch at one of the picnic areas - we were planning to eat by the stream, but it was super crowded and ended up raining. The rain stopped by the time we got to one of the overlooks. We continued up the mountain to Clingman's Dome. From what I was told, it's the highest point in the Great Smokey Mountains, so it is quite a view. The climb up was a huge reminder that I need to get back to exercising regularly, but we made it just fine!

Thank the Lord for husbands who are willing to push a stroller up Clingman's Dome!

Wednesday - We went and had a late lunch/early dinner at the Dixie Stampede in Pigeon Forge, which is only about 8 miles from Gatlinburg. We enjoyed eating a southern meal without utensils and watching the North and South compete in various "events." The Eddins family let me sit with them on the Confederate side of the arena (I continue to remind them that I have spent more of my lifetime in the South than in the North- I spent part of my childhood in North Carolina and my middle and high school years in Maryland) even though they claim that I'm a Yankee. And in case you forgot who won the Civil War, the North also managed to pull off a win at the Dixie Stampede.

Getting ready for the big show by listening to some bluegrass music at the pre-show.

Us waiting for the show to begin.

Thursday - We ate lunch out at a local BBQ place and then headed to town to play some miniature golf at the world renowned Hillbilly Golf. It was recommended to us by some friends and I have to admit that it was a ton of fun. The course starts at the top of the hill in the trees and then you play your way down. I wasn't sure how I would do playing with Savannah in the Baby Bjorn (strollers weren't allowed due to the steps), but I did pretty well considering. Later that night, we also drove over to a mountain near Pigeon Forge and climbed up an old fire tower. I am seriously getting way more fearful in my older age, because I almost didn't make it up to the top. I'm glad I pushed myself through the nerves because it was a remarkable view.

Being silly while playing mini golf!

Can you tell I'm holding onto the rails of the fire tower for dear life?

Friday - We spent the afternoon visiting the Arts and Crafts Community in Gatlinburg. Kevin totally surprised me when he took the initiative on this excursion. I had no clue he would be interested in seeing homemade/crafty items.

Having some fun outside the Christmas shop!

We had a wonderful trip and enjoyed lots of good family time! This was my first trip to Gatlinburg and the Great Smokey Mountains, so I was glad I got to see something new. I will always be a beach girl at heart, but it's so nice that we live in a country that has such diverse climates/geography to enjoy and celebrate! And to think that God spoke those beautiful mountains into existence just blows my mind! He is a mighty God!

Life Without an Apnea Monitor

2011-06-29T10:17:00.000-04:00

It's been about 6 weeks since the nice gentleman came to the house to pick up Savannah's apnea monitor. I was so torn about it - excited to be rid of the leads that stuck on her chest all the time (except for baths) while also being completely scared to death that something would go wrong and we wouldn't catch it in time on our own.

The closer we got to the doctor releasing her from the monitor (it took a few phone calls on my part to get the final download of data and to get the reading back from the pediatrician), the more anxious I got regarding how we should proceed once the apnea monitor was no longer medically necessary.

Thanks to modern technology, there are lots of devices out there to help ease one's mind, especially regarding SIDS. We had been told about Angelcare crib monitors and were originally very sure that we would opt to get one once the doctor released Savannah from her apnea monitor. From what I understand, these monitors go on top of the crib mattress and are used to detect movement (which comes from breathing if the baby is asleep). If a certain amount of time goes by without sensing movement, then it will alarm. I'm not sure about detecting heartrate, but evenso it sounded very similar to what we were used to, only there would be nothing attached to Savannah.

It's funny how the Lord works on you though. When we brought Savannah home from the hospital, Kevin and I were fairly certain that we would purchase one of these monitors once the doctor chose to release her from the apnea monitor and wanted to be prepared for when that happened. We were still very anxious about her apnea episode in the hospital and just nervous about bringing a tiny baby home in general. We finally had a living baby in our arms and didn't want to take any chances of loosing her so soon.

The week leading up to Savannah being released from the apnea monitor, I just wasn't so sure that buying an Angelcare monitor was the right thing for us. We had slowly weaned her from it and were only plugging her up to it while she slept at night. While I can completely understand why parents would choose to purchase one, I just felt more and more like the Lord was prompting me to not purchase one.

I wracked my brain over it. I prayed about it constantly too.

I kept thinking, "Lord, what if we don't purchase this monitor and then Savannah dies of SIDS. I'd never forgive myself."

I really felt like the Lord was telling me to just let go completely. And for me, being the control-freak that I am, that meant not purchasing another monitor. I also felt like the Lord was convicting me to put my money where my mouth was. I say all the time that Savannah is the Lord's and that He has her days numbered, but was I really believing that?

After some discussions with Kevin, it turned out that he was leaning this way as well, and at the end of the day, I was so glad to submit to his final decision, whatever it was. I just could not think about it and worry over it anymore. (I'm still learning a whole lot about submission and this was one occassion that I was thankful for the Lord's wisdom behind this command for wives.)

The decision was made to not purchase the Angelcare monitor, and we are happy to report that Savannah is still doing great! We were both very nervous at first. I found myself checking on her sometimes as much as every 10 minutes or so during naps (that has greatly improved) and Kevin even made a few comments regarding whether we made the right decision or not.

Now that we are 6 weeks later, I can hardly remember Savannah having the apnea monitor! While the worry still creeps in sometimes, I am carrying around a lighter load now that I have been obediant. We have no idea whether we might purchase an Angelcare monitor down the road or to use with other children (if the Lord chooses to bless us with them), but for now, we are enjoying seeing what God has planned for our precious daughter. We pray for her daily and trust that the Lord has her in the palm of His hand.

It's definitely not easy, though. And in those crazy moment when I wonder if I'll be walking into the nursery only to find Savannah dead in her crib (morbid, right?), I am thankful that the Lord is big enough to handle not only my worry, but also our precious little girl.

The Views From Here

2011-06-24T17:56:00.001-04:00

Our home for the week.

Our view from our chalet.

The Ober Gatlinburg.

More pretty views.

Look at all that pretty green. No wonder, it has rained at least once each day.

Looking down from the porch. It's quite a long way down!

And God spoke this into existence! Cool!

Father's Day 2011

2011-06-20T09:31:00.000-04:00

I am so behind on blogging that it's not even funny. I've got a little list going with things I'd like to post about - things that have been on my mind and heart that I'd just like to get out. Nothing major, really, but life just manages to get in the way sometimes. We're on vacation this week, so hopefully I can steal a little time away and start working on those posts. I wish I was the type of blogger who could just eloquently express my thoughts in a timely manner, but oftentimes, a small revelation/happening takes me far too long to post, so I end up never posting it at all. I think it's the perfectionist in me.

Anyway, I did want to post a little picture from our gal, expressing her sentiments to her daddy on this Father's Day. This is Kevin's third Father's Day, but the first with a living child as evidence, which sort of makes it special. We gave him his present before leaving town (and he liked it a lot) so we wouldn't have to add to all the baggage we were already cramming in our 2003 Toyota Corolla. But, this picture was part of the present we gave him.

I had no idea what I was getting into when trying to capture this picture. After lots of drool and grabbing at the sign, this was the best we could do (and please ignore my thumb in the bottom left hand corner).

Since our family on earth will always be missing someone, I wanted to include Andrew in Kevin's gift somehow. I opted for a photo collage and included some of my favorite pictures of Kevin with him as well. After all, Kevin is a great Daddy to both of our kiddies!

Kevin, it has been an honor to see you as Daddy to our children. You are so loving and kind and I truly am a lucky woman to have you as my partner in parenthood. I love that Andrew looked a lot like you and that everyone says how much Savannah looks like her Daddy. It makes me so proud. We love you so very much!!

6 Months

2011-06-11T09:33:00.064-04:00

Savannah turned 6 months old yesterday! It's hard to believe this milestone is upon us! Here's what you are up to at 6 months!

*You are eating 4 times a day, every 4 hours during the day. You are still nursing well, but very quick. Sometimes I wonder if you are getting enough to drink, but you seem to be doing fine!

*You are enjoying your solids and have become quite the little birdie, opening your mouth real wide when I feed you! You are eating rice cereal and you have tried all the veggies that Mommy can find at the store - carrots, squash, sweet potatoes, green beans, and peas. Your special dessert yesterday evening was your first taste of fruit, but you didn't seem too interested. Mommy plans to start making your food soon, just as soon as I can gather all the supplies and find the time! Babyfood is expensive!!

*You are enjoying sitting in your highchair! Mommy used to feed you in your Bumbo seat, but you enjoy sitting up like a big girl in your wooden highchair. Mommy plans to refurbish it and add safety straps, but we have rigged it up so it works well in the meantime!

*You continue to sleep well at night! You are in bed by 7:30-7:45pm and usually wake up around 7:30am. On the occasion that Mommy and Daddy go to a friends house, we just bring your Pack n Play along and you do well sleeping in it until we get home. We hope you continue to be a flexible baby!

*You are taking 3 naps - 2 long ones and 1 catnap. You had Mommy stumped for a few days this past month when you suddenly stopped taking good naps. Mommy finally realized that you needed to be awake longer before your naps. That, along with moving you to a 4 hour schedule, seemed to do the trick!

*You are still wearing size 2 diapers, but only because we still have some to use up. You are wearing size 3 Pampers at night and we'll break out the size 3 generics once we use up all of the 2's.

*You weighed 16 lbs. when I weighed you at home the other day. I'm sure it isn't exact, so we'll have to wait until your next appointment at the beginning of July to find out how much you have grown!

*You are wearing some 3-6 month clothes one final time, but Mommy is moving you up to 6-9 months clothing as we speak. Since it has been so hot, Mommy tries to keep you in rompers/creepers so you can stay cool!

*You are talking quite a bit when you are playing on the floor and when we put you in your crib to sleep. Mommy and Daddy think you like to talk most when you are by yourself, perhaps because you want to entertain yourself when it's quiet. When you are around lots of people, you often become quiet and "take everything in" although you can be social too. You will smile at people when they smile at you.

*You still love your thumb, although you will put just about anything in your mouth these days! You have also recently discovered your feet and Mommy finds your trying to put them in your mouth as well! You're not quite there yet, but probably will be soon!

*You like to grab things. You like to grab my hair or my earrings when I am holding you, and you will grab a toy that I hold in front of you. I even watched you pass a toy from one hand to the other!

*You can sit up on your own when you have your hands on the floor in front of you (tripod sitting). Mommy catches you trying to sit up on your own when I buckle you into your car seat. You have become more squirmy!

*You are good at turning over from your back to your tummy. You have actually begun to enjoy sleeping on your tummy now. Mommy tries to flip you over, but sometimes gives up because it becomes a game to you! You don't turn over much from your tummy to your back, which is surprising because you used to do this very early on when you were just a month old. You don't seem interested in doing that anymore.

*You enjoy your exercauser a lot now! You used to just sit in it, but now Mommy catches you playing with the toys in it and jumping up a storm!

*You truly are a joy, Savannah! We get told by so many people what a great and happy baby that you are. Although we don't take any of the credit, we do realize how blessed we are! It's hard to believe that you have been with us for 6 whole months! The time is going by so quickly! It still seems so surreal that God chose us to be your parents! We are so thankful!

Getting Caught Up

2011-06-07T10:46:00.002-04:00

Since it's been a little longer than I had planned since posting, I'll give you the quick run down. There's nothing earthshattering going on, but here's some of what we've been up to!

1. Memorial Day Weekend
We spent the weekend visiting my family up in Baltimore. We didn't do anything fancy, but enjoyed relaxing and spending time together. That's the most important part in my book anyway!

2. Women's Mini Retreat
I spent this past Saturday morning (along with some other ladies from my church) away from the chaos of life and enjoyed some extended time with the Lord. Kevin was helping administer the SAT's, so my mom watched Savannah for me since they were in town anyway. My time was so wonderful. I enjoyed continuing through the book of Acts, was reminded of how my role as wife, mom, and homemaker can still have an eternal impact, and enjoyed some extended time of prayer.

3. Trip to Williamsburg
My cousin will be leaving in a couple of weeks to join the United States Navy and in lieu of a weeklong farewell family vacation, some of us headed down to Williamsburg for 2 nights! It's about an hour drive for us, so it's a nice getaway that doesn't involve much driving and there is plenty to do. Kevin is finishing up school and some of the other husbands had to work, but we still had a nice quick getaway! We stayed at the Historic Powhatan Resort, which was really nice. We visited Jamestown on Monday morning and enjoyed a late lunch at the Old Chickahominy House. I forgot how tasty Virginia ham is- yum (it's super salty for anyone wondering)! We spent most of the afternoon at the resort while babies took afternoon naps. My sister and I had planned to go to the outlets in the evening, but we ran out of steam.

We're all looking forward to school winding down for Kevin, so we can enjoy the start of summer. Although the heat sure indicates that summer is in full swing, it's not official in the Eddins household until school is out!

Career Transitions

2011-05-27T13:45:00.000-04:00

I have never really considered myself a "career woman." After graduating high school, I went to college with the hopes of preparing myself for a possible career in the workforce, but knowing that my ultimate desire was to eventually be a wife and mother. And although I did end up meeting my husband during my collegiate years (although we lived miles and miles apart), I did not go to college to pursue an MRS degree (not that there is anything wrong with that- to each his own!).

As a young woman, I obviously didn't have the slightest clue what God's plan for my life would entail, so I wanted to prepare myself to be self-sufficient in case it was God's will for me to be single for a while. I had an idea of how old I wanted to be when I got married and had children, but it ultimately wasn't something for me to decide (go figure!), so I figured I better prepare myself for life in the working world.

Long story short, I graduated from the University of Richmond in May 2003 with a degree in Sociology. I was about to marry Kevin and was blissfully unaware that getting a nice paying job would be more difficult than I ever thought. A college degree was the big ticket to a decent salary, right?   W-R-O-N-G!

As the Lord would have it, I'd spend the next few years working at a couple of different companies. I ended up not doing anything related to social work (which is what I had originally thought I'd like to do), but still was able to work my way up a little bit. As Kevin found his way into the teaching profession, my job and salary was pretty reliable, so it was definitely a blessing.

Then, my career suddenly ended in January 2009, when I was laid off for the first time in my life. It was tough to say the least, but not devastating, as I was then pregnant with Andrew and had planned to quit work when he was born in August. It was just time for us to start practicing living on one income a little earlier than we had planned.

A few months after we lost Andrew, I wasn't really sure what to do career wise. I was sort of ready to go back to work, at least until we got pregnant again and got to bring a baby home. By the grace of God (and a sweet friend's help), a job basically fell into my lap. It turned out to be a really great thing. Not only could I focus my mind on my work as I continued to grieve and try to conceive again, but Kevin and I were able to save more money and do some projects on our home. I worked there up until the week before we were scheduled for Savannah's induction.

So, now, finally, after what has seemed like forever, I have landed my dream job of stay-at-home wife and mommy.  Though this is something I have wanted to do for as long as I could remember, it has been one of the most challenging career transitions of my life!  The hours are much much longer, the pay is much much less, and it is far less glamorous. But, you know what? I wouldn't trade it for ANYTHING!

The Lord is truly doing a work on my heart. I'm developing a huge heart for my home. Not only do I thoroughly enjoy spending this priceless time with my daughter, but I'm starting to actually enjoy the homemaking aspects of it as well.

Don't get me wrong, loading and unloading the dishwasher will probably NEVER be something I enjoy, there are times when I wish I could clock out and "leave work for the day," and I certainly miss the extra money to eat out and buy a new outfit at Ann Taylor Loft, but the Lord is allowing me to also experience some of the joys of homemaking. I'm finding much greater satisfaction in cooking a nice meal for Kevin after he comes home from a long day at work, in planning my weekly menu, in looking for ways to stretch our money, and getting other things marked off my daily "to-do" list.

While the world may not consider my new career as something valuable or productive, I'm finding that there is great joy in being the keeper of my home.  And as for my resume, I think I may have reached the tip of the iceberg after all. How does Chief Operating Officer of the Eddins household sound? Not too shabby, huh?

**Disclaimer: This post is not meant to start a debate about women who work outside of the home. This is just a reflection of my experience being obedient to what God has called me to do.

Change is Good

2011-05-20T10:44:00.002-04:00

I have a tendency to wait way too long to get my hair trimmed/cut. And unlike this post, this time it has nothing to do with having to explain about loosing Andrew to my stylist. I just simply hate making the call and scheduling the time to do it, not to mention figuring out who can watch Savannah for me during the day when I make the trip. Usually what ends up happening is I get so tired of my scraggly hair that I just wake up one day and do it - it's like I hit my breaking point and can't wait another day. This is what happened a couple of weeks ago.

I made the call to schedule an appointment with Jamie only to find out that she no longer worked at my salon! AHHHHH! I wouldn't let this stop me, however, so I called a friend of mine and asked where she got her hair cut recently. Her hair always looks cute, and especially so after her most recent cut. I was tight on cash, so was pleased to find out she had gotten it cut at Great Clips! Score! And this friend was also spending her afternoon at home and was able to watch Savannah for me. Gotta love good friends!

So, here are the results in case you hadn't already picked up on my new 'do from some of the recent pictures.

Before

After

I'm still getting used to it being short, but overall, I was pleased. Kevin tends to like my hair long, but I think it just ends up looking scraggly and unhealthy since I don't have the time nor patience to spend a significant amount of time styling it. I also tend to think it weighs me down. Luckily, my husband is lowkey and doesn't really mind my shorter look. He thinks I look great either way!

I opted for all one length this time and someone even referred to it as my "Mom Bob." I don't know about that, but I'll take it! We shall see how long it takes me to get it cut again next time!

Do any of you have an opinion on the length of my hair?

And how do you prefer YOUR hair?

5 Months

2011-05-17T00:26:00.001-04:00

Someone special in our house turned 5 months old a week ago! I swear one of these days, I'll get these posts up in a more timely manner. At least I took the pictures on her actual birthday!! Here's what our girl is up to at 5 months!

*She was eating 5 times a day, about every 3 hours or so. I'm trying to work towards extending that to 3.5 on a more regular basis, so we'll see how that goes!

*She has officially started solids! We decided to start her on rice cereal a couple of weeks ago (even though 6 months is the norm according to the doctor). So far, it's going pretty well. We have worked up to giving it to her at breakfast, lunch, and dinner. She definitely prefers it warm and does better if I nurse her on 1 side first rather than starting with it right away. We're taking our time, which is sort of nice. It's been messy, but fun to see her try new things!

*She continues to sleep really well at night! I'm really hoping it will continue! She is sleeping between 11-12 hours at night. The other night, we had friends over and I let her stay up a little later than normal, but she ended up falling asleep in Kevin's arms before we could get her to the crib. She was ready for her sleep!

*She is still taking 3 naps, and I will occasionally put her down a 4th time if she didn't nap well earlier or if she acts cranky. Today, she fell asleep while we were at Target, so she will sometimes take short catnaps if she's tired enough.

*She is no longer being swaddled. In fact, we probably dropped that shortly after the 4 month post while we were visiting family in Mississippi. It was wonderful while it lasted, but she's doing great without it! And have I mentioned that she manages to turn all sorts of ways when she sleeps? :-)

*She is still wearing size 2 diapers, but I think we're on the verge of 3's. I still have quite a few 2's left to use up that were given to us, so I will hold off as long as we can!

*She weighed 14 lbs. 4 ozs. at her recent doctors visit which was at the end of April. She was in the 45th percentile for weight. She was 26 inches long which puts her in the 90th percentile for height. It's looking like she might be tall like her mommy and daddy!

*She is wearing 3-6 month clothes exclusively, and some of those seem a little small now (mostly in the length). I love putting her in the rompers (or are they creepers?) when the weather is real warm!

*She is talking more and more these days, which I absolutely love! In fact, the talking sometimes sounds more like high pitched screaming. I've noticed she talks the most when she's on the floor or in her crib by herself. It's so much fun hearing her talk and squeal on her monitor before I get her up in the mornings!

*She continues to suck her thumb and put her fingers in her mouth! She sucks her thumb mostly when she's tired, and she's constantly trying to put her fingers in her mouth when I feed her the cereal.

*She is still working on sitting up on her own, but she definitely is getting stronger and stronger! When she's on her back, she's constantly twisting and turning and rolling to her side.

*She has officially turned over, but doesn't do it all the time. One of the times she did it was during one of her naps and I didn't notice until I heard her and looked in to check on her! We recently purchased an exersaucer, and she seems to like it so far.

*She is ticklish on her chest and I love taking advantage of that and making her giggle! She continues to smile at people who smile and make faces at her!

On a more boring note, she is still using the apnea monitor while she sleeps at night as well as during naps. Her pediatrician called in for one more data download at the 4 month visit and said he'd put the order in to release her from it if everything still looks good. They have told me this before, so I have no idea when it will actually happen. I honestly think it's more an issue of her doctor not following up between our visits. They make the orders for the downloads and then I never hear anything until we go in for the next visit, so it becomes a cycle that never ends. It doesn't bother me because I honestly don't mind her being on it , but I do need to make a phone call to see where things stand. As much as I like the sense of peace I get knowing she's being monitored, she can't stay on it forever!

Overall, this month has been wonderful! I seriously don't think I could have a more easy going baby (knock on wood) and just love this stage we are in! I know that things can change on a dime with children, so for now, I'm just thankful for being well rested and having such a happy baby. She is truly a joy and is a ray of sunshine in our home!

We love you so much, Savannah!

Mother's Day 2011

2011-05-13T23:29:00.001-04:00

Mother's Day has the potential to be a wonderful day of celebrating moms, but for many women, it can be a painful reminder of what should have been. For me, the closest thing I had to experiencing a "normal" mother's day was back in 2009 while I was pregnant with Andrew. I remember very well being offered a flower along with all the other mothers, which was so nice. Even though I know in my heart that motherhood begins with conception, it's nice for the world to acknowledge that as well. It was nice to be included that particular year, especially since that was the only Mother's Day I would get to celebrate with him, even though he was still in my womb.

Last year, we celebrated Mother's Day up in Pittsburgh, PA while attending my cousin's college graduation commencement. It was sort of nice to be surrounded my family and avoid the normal festivities of the day. While I was pregnant at the time with Savannah and some might think it would have made the day easier, the reality of Andrew's absence was still heartbreaking.

This year's Mother's Day was extremely bittersweet, and I hesitate to even say that because I don't mean to diminish the overwhelming gratitude in my heart to have Savannah with us this year! We decided to have her dedicated on Mother's Day, which was so very special. On one hand, it was surreal to be standing in front of our church family formally dedicating our child to the Lord and committing to raising her according to scripture. But on the other hand, I just couldn't get the image of a little toddler running around out of my head. In my mind, Andrew should have been up there with us.

The one thing I will say about my experience on bittersweet holidays (such as Mother's Day, Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, etc.) is that God's grace is sufficient. He always meets me where I am and reminds me of His goodness in the midst of it. And in all honestly, if it weren't for the hope of our heavenly family reunion, I don't know if I could make it through them. But, like I said, God's grace is sufficient, and for that I am so thankful. So, here are some pictures of my third mother's day, but the first with one of our baby's with us. I couldn't be more thankful!

Someone is up and ready to go!

Pastor Guy saying a few words to us.

Proud Daddy

Pastor Guy praying with us.

We were given a certificate as well as a New Testament.

We had a wonderful afternoon celebrating the day with my family. We opted for grilling out and just enjoying time together as a family. God has been so good to us, so we always enjoy celebrating!

Although it was a joyful day for us overall, my heart was heavy for so many out there who struggle on days like this - for those who desire children so badly but haven't been blessed with them yet, for those whose own mothers who are no longer with them, and for those mothers who have babies in heaven. I'm sure there are many more scenarios that make this day difficult for many people and I just want to acknowlege them. You are not forgotten and were not forgotten this year on Mother's Day.

Our Talker

2011-04-30T22:23:00.001-04:00

Just wanted to share some of Savannah's latest tricks. While I was taking a shower last weekend, Savannah was hanging out with Daddy and was apparantly talking up a storm! Kev filmed part of it and made his own little video! Enjoy!

New Blog Name

2011-04-28T12:30:00.001-04:00

I've never been totally sold on the name of my blog. I started it back in August 2009, just days after loosing our firstborn son, Andrew, and had to come up with a name for it quickly. I didn't have much time to give it thought or come up with something catchy or creative (not that I was in any state of mind to be catchy). All I knew was that I was clinging to the only thing I knew was unchangeable, my God. In those early days, I knew that God was going to be my rock in a very real and tangible way as I tried to rebuild my shattered life. So, after searching through some scripture, I found the verse that you see at the top of my blog which reads,

Psalm 62:1-2
My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.

So, I went with titling my blog "My God is My Rock." While that title is so true in my life - it was then when we lost Andrew and is now going on 2 years later - I just haven't been sold. I didn't worry too much about it at the beginning and figured I could always change it later if I wished. After all, this blog is about so much more than catchy titles anyway. It's been a source of healing for me as we navigated those early days/weeks/months without our son, and continues to be a place where I can share about God's redemptive work in my heart and in my family, as well as just the latest happenings in the Eddins household.

With all that said, I'm on the hunt for a new blog title if I can find the right one. It's no big deal if I can't come up with something different, but I'd sort of like to change things up a bit. I like the God as my rock theme, since He's ultimately the foundation of all that I have and am, so I sort of want to stick with something along those lines, but I'm open to anything at this point. I'm also interested in getting a blog makeover. I used to think I was pretty tech savvy, but realized just how old I am as far as that goes when I started this blog. It still takes me way to long to upload pictures (maybe come of that is this terrible Acer laptop!), and I am still learning how to make posting easier and quicker!

So, if any of you readers have any ideas on blog titles or know of anyone who could do an inexpensive (or free) blog makeover for me, I'd certainly be interested in your feedback. Feel free to leave a comment with the info or email me!

Happy Easter!

2011-04-27T22:43:00.001-04:00

We celebrated Easter this year at home in Richmond. It was nice to be home and go to our own church with our little gal in her cute dress. It was also nice to be able to visit the cemetery on our way to church since we were already running too late to be able to make it to Sunday School. Seeing Andrew's gravestone on Easter morning was such a real reminder of the importance of Easter or Resurrection Sunday as some people call it.

The grave is not the end. The older I get and the more I am exposed to death, sadness, and suffering, I'm more and more thankful that the grave was not the end for Jesus Christ, and that the grave does not have to be the end for us, if we choose to believe in Jesus Christ and accept what He did for us in paying for our sins.

We took a picture of Savannah in her car seat at the cemetery next to her big brother's gravestone. I've posted a picture before on this blog, but this past Sunday it was a little more special. For one, I thought it was cute that Savannah's outfit matched the flowers. I was told the day prior that my sweet grandmother had placed pink flowers on his grave and was originally a little concerned about Andrew having such a feminine color on his grave. Silly me, but I just always go for the blues or something more boyish I guess. Well, when we pulled up and I saw how the flowers looked next to Savannah in her dress, I thought they were perfect.

What a sweet reminder to me that the grave is not the end. I'm so thankful that Andrew's small little casket was not the end for him. That his gravestone is only a marker - that he is no longer there. I'm so thankful that he lives in heaven, and what a wonderful life he is living there. Had Christ not conquered death himself, none of us would have a chance at heaven. And even then, we can only reach it through the righteousness of Christ, not by anything we have done to earn it. But, I'm so thankful that God was willing to send his one and only son to this Earth to die, so that all of us could experience life after the grave!

I pray that one day Savannah will make a profession of faith in Christ, so that she will meet her maker face to face. I would also be lying if I said I am not looking forward to seeing those two catch up on lost time as siblings.

For fun, here are some other photos from our day. My family was in town from Baltimore, so Savannah was finally able to meet her little cousin Matthew (Kevin and I met him when he was born, but they hospital did not allow babies back in the recovery rooms). It was so much fun to see those 2 together and celebrate the blessings they have been to our family in just a few short months!

Mimi holding Savannah. Love that girl's smile!

BaBa with all of his earthly grandbabies! I so wish Andrew was in this picture!

I'm so hoping these 2 will be close for years to come! Such miracles they are!

Thank God It's Friday

2011-04-22T23:40:00.001-04:00

I saw this video for the first time last Easter Sunday when we were in Mississippi visiting Kevin's family. It gave me chills and made me weep, all at the same time. And to top it off, the choir broke into song at the end, as they sang of the Lord's resurrection on Sunday.

So, when Kevin watched it again earlier this afternoon, I knew that I just had to share it with all of you. Sometimes I find myself to wrapped up in Easter Sunday itself, that I forget to take some time to reflect on the events of Good Friday. What a difficult day it must have been for Christ, but I just love the way this pastor reminds us that Sunday's A-Comin! It's only Friday!

What A Difference A Year Makes

2011-04-17T21:04:00.001-04:00

It seems that Kevin and I have made a little tradition of visiting his family in Mississippi over his annual spring break from school. I think we've come down during his break ever since he's been teaching. If we drive, we usually try to take a couple days on the way back and vacation somewhere. One year, it was Nashville, TN and last year was Charleston, SC (both awesome cities!).

I remember so vividly the emotion that I felt around this time last year, when I was getting ready for the trip. It felt so wrong to be packing up and not need to prepare for a vacation with a baby. I cried that night, but prayed that God would still allow me to enjoy our time away, despite the sadness of not having Andrew coming with us. He was faithful, and we had a wonderful trip.

This morning in Tupelo, we worshipped at the church where Kevin grew up. I love our church in Richmond, but I always enjoy going to West Jackson Street Church when we are here. It's totally different - much larger, big choir and praise band, and a great preacher with one of the largest southern drawls that I've ever heard. The music and message were great as usual, but as we worshipped the Lord in song this morning, I was overcome with thankfulness to the Lord. I can hardly believe where He has brought us.

While I wish so badly that Andrew was here with us on this trip and that we had needed to push a double stroller through the airports this past Friday, I'm in awe of the amount of healing that has occurred in my heart since last year. There's no doubt that Savannah has played a large part in that, but I know that the only real healing can come from the Lord himself. Our hearts are still scarred (and they probably always will be to a certain extent on this side of heaven), but they are healing, and for that I am so thankful.

Psalm 147:3

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

4 Months

2011-04-14T13:43:00.001-04:00

Our little rainbow baby turned 4 months on Sunday and while it didn't slip my mind, I'm behind in posting pictures (as usual)! I took these pictures during a longer wake time (we've dropped her 4th nap), so she wasn't as smiley as I was hoping, but here goes.

*She was eating 6 times a day, up until last night (ha!). I was in the process of dropping her "dreamfeed" as many Babywise moms call it, but had decided to wait until we got back from our spring break trip. The past couple of nights, she was hardly eating anything since she was so sleepy, so I decided to see what happened last night when I didn't wake her for it. She slept the entire night last night and still woke up at her normal time, so I think she was ready for it! I'll see how things go while we are away, but we may be down to 5 feedings now!

*She is sleeping really well at night! She is sleeping about 10-11 hours at night now and even surprised me last night with a 12 hour stretch (after not waking her for her "dreamfeed")! How did I get so lucky? I hope I'm not jinxing myself!

*She is down to 3 naps before bedtime. We dropped her 4th nap just this weekend, so this is a recent development. She wasn't sleeping as well at the final nap and was often waking up early anyway, so I thought she needed a change. So far, so good!

*She is still being swaddled, but with both of her arms out. I let her sleep without it altogether sometimes, but still find it helpful if she seems to have trouble settling.

*She is wearing size 2 diapers. She has definitely grown into them well now. They can almost seem too small when I get her up in the morning after going all night without a diaper change.

*She weighed around 13 lbs. last time I weighed her at home. I don't put too much stock in that though since it's been wrong before. I'm just glad it shows some gain. We'll find out her official stats at her 4 month appointment later this month.

*She is wearing 3-6 month clothes almost exclusively. I have squeezed her into some of my favorite 0-3 months outfits one final time, but have put everything else away. It's been fun putting her in warm weather clothing. I love seeing those legs and arms uncovered!!

*She is getting more and more social. She smiles a lot when most people get close to her and is easily distracted by people or noises. But, sometimes she has such a serious look on her face that I make it my goal to get her to crack her beautiful smile! I'm so curious to see her little personality develop!

*She continues to suck on her fingers, but specifically her thumb! She sleeps quite often with her thumb in her mouth. And have I mentioned drool? It's becoming more and more frequent these days! :-)

*She has good head control, so we are continuing to work on sitting up. She can last longer in her Bumbo seat and enjoys sitting up on my lap after she eats. She turned over the other day during tummy time too!

*She giggled for the first time a couple of weeks ago! She spends so much time observing things around her, that she doesn't let me hear her "talk" as often as I'd like. After she eats, I like to tickle her and kiss on her to get her to laugh. I can't wait to hear that more often!

Our sweet girl continues to bless our family in ways I couldn't even imagine! (Can you tell that Daddy is in heaven in the picture above?) We're so lucky to have her and don't take a moment of this for granted! Thank you, Lord for another wonderful month! We pray that you'd give us wisdom for every moment with her!

We love you, our Sweet Savannah Girl!

We're All Stillborn

2011-04-07T15:55:00.002-04:00

I was listening to the radio about a week or so ago and was excited when an oldie, but goodie came on Christian radio. I remember listening to Caedmon's Call like no one else during my college years. I had a few of their CD's and listened to them religiously. Catchy tunes, lyrics that spoke truth, and just all around encouraging songs. LOVE Caedmon's Call! I think I may have even heard them in concert back in the day as well.

One of my favorite Caedmon's Call songs was playing this particular day titled "Thankful." I start singing along when the second verse begins.

Verse 2
'Cause we're all stillborn and dead in our transgressions
We're shackled up to the sin we hold so dear
So what part can I play in the work of redemption
I can't refuse, I cannot add a thing

'Cause I am just like Lazarus and I can hear your voice
I stand and rub my eyes and walk to You
Because I have no choice

Chorus
I am thankful that I'm incapable
Of doing any good on my own
I'm so thankful that I'm incapable
Of doing any good on my own

I have listened to this song numerous times, but for the first time ever, that second verse has an entirely different meaning for me. When I heard the word stillborn in that second verse, it brought me back to Andrew and gave me a new understanding of what those lyrics really mean.

Just hours after delivering Andrew, it was still so surreal and I was having trouble wrapping my heard around what had just happened (as most of you know we were totally shocked to find out his heart was no longer beating 2 days earlier). I remember trying to process some of it with my mom and asking her, "What do I call this? A miscarriage?"

This concept of delivering a dead baby was so foreign to me that I didn't even know what to call it. Miscarriage just didn't seem to fit our situation. A loss is a loss, by all means, but when you go through the experience of laboring and delivering a dead baby, the word miscarriage just doesn't seem to fit (Unfortunately, I know far too many family and friends who have miscarried and I do not in any way mean for this to sounds like I am diminishing those losses - please know that!).

My mom told me that I had experienced stillbirth. That Andrew was stillborn. Wow! Really? I had heard this word before loosing Andrew, but to have her use that word to describe our situation was a little surreal. It was a true description, but still surreal.

So, listening to that Caedmon's Call song last week and hearing that second verse brought back everything. I remember so vividly what it was like to deliver Andrew and the silence that filled the room. Now that I've had a live birth, it's such a stark contrast to when we had Savannah.

But the words to that Caedmon's Call song are so true.

We're all stillborn.

Dead in our transgressions.

Shackled up by the sin we hold so dear.

The good news is that we can be just like Lazarus, and be raised from the dead..... spiritually.

How cool is THAT?

I hope you will take some time and remember this today and throughout this season of Lent. I don't celebrate Lent in any formal way, but what a good reminder of who we are without Christ and who we can be with Christ!

And it just so happens that today is Andrew's 20 month birthday in heaven! Thank you sweet boy, for reminding mommy of the goodness of Christ! I'm so thankful the grave wasn't the end!

Ephesians 2:1-10

As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-03-30T15:39:00.002-04:00

Visiting the cemetary back in February.

A Blessing or a Curse?

2011-03-22T22:03:00.001-04:00

Below is a picture of Savannah's apnea monitor. As I've mentioned here before, after Savannah's apnea spell (she held her breath) in the hospital, the doctors felt it was best she come home with an apnea monitor. I had heard awful things about apnea monitors, so I was a little anxious about having to use it. But, despite all the horror stories, I was ultimately glad to have her on it to monitor her heart rate and breathing.

After being at home for a while, I can totally understand why these monitors can drive people crazy. In fact, there have been times when I thought the monitor was doing more harm to my sanity than good. Probably the biggest complaint you will hear about these monitors is all of the false alarms. We have certainly had plenty of alarms, and while I think they have all been false alarms, there's a small part of me that wonders, Was this a real alarm or not?

During 1 particular nap time, the monitor alarmed at least 5 separate times. Have I mentioned that when it alarms, it's quite loud and resembles a smoke alarm (well maybe not quite that loud)? Of course, my response is to go running into Savannah's room to check on her. As we were trained, I made sure to look at Savannah's coloring and watch her chest to make sure it was rising and falling. (Side note: it's often tempting to look at the screen of the monitor first to check to see whether it is the heart rate or breathing alarm that is sounding, or whether it is an issue with the battery or leads attached to her). Each time, the alarm would stop by the time I got to her room or shortly thereafter and she looked like she was fine. Sigh of relief, right? Wrong. I find myself going nuts after that nap. My mind goes all over the place.

Were they real alarms or false ones?
Was it a real episode and she self-corrected when the alarm sounded?
Or was she just taking a shallow breath, so the leads couldn't detect it?

These are all valid questions according to the folks who trained us to use the monitor. That particular day, I began to get suspicious after so many alarms so close to one another, so I mostly dismissed them. Just one example of how this little piece of equipment can drive one crazy!!

Savannah sporting her leads on both sides of her chest (one detects heart rate and the other breathing).When these get loose, it is not a good thing!

The pediatrician now decides when Savannah should be taken off of the monitor. We've seen the pediatrician for our 1 and 2 month well checks, and he seems very confident that we have nothing to worry about. They downloaded the data from the monitor back in January prior to her 1 month visit, which showed no issues. The doctor did say he wanted us to get through her 2 months shots, do one more download, and then make a final decision at her 4 month visit.

Savannah sporting her onesie with the wires coming through the leg hole.

At this point, we only plug Savannah up to the monitor when she naps and goes to sleep for the night, so it's far less cumbersome than originally. The monitor basically just stays in her room by the crib. At the beginning, we were told to keep her on it at all times, so it was a little annoying to have to drag it around with her wherever she went (I have been known to trip on the cord which sounds the alarm).

Savannah is ready to go for the day!

Many people make comments about how I'll probably be so glad when she's off the apnea monitor, but I'm already starting to get a little nervous about it. In many ways, it's been such a blessing to have it. Kevin and I can both sleep a little bit better at night knowing that she is being monitored. I don't know about the rest of you mommas out there, but I am so aware of what can go wrong. The odds of SIDS is low, but we know that we are not immune to tragedy (sorry to be such a downer), which is scary.

I know this post is getting long, so I'll wrap this up. Basically, I'd just ask that you might pray for us as we prepare for Savannah to be taken off the monitor (most likely at the end of April). We know full well that Savannah has something better than a piece of equipment monitoring her day and night......she has a someone, who happens to be the God who created her and knows her inmost being. We know that God himself has each of her days numbered, so we should have no fear. But, the reality is that parents worry, and we are no different. It's probably a sin I'll have to lay at Jesus' feet daily. We desire to trust the Lord with Savannah, but it's not easy. We gave her back to the Lord in the hospital the day she was born, knowing that she was in the best hands possible.

Gift of God

2011-03-20T21:50:00.001-04:00

Welcome to the world, Matthew Reagan Blake!

Born: March 14, 2011 at 9:28am

Stats: 7 lbs. 4 ozs., 21 inches long

Aunt Sarah gets to hold you, sweet boy!

Big sister, MacKenzie, has been waiting a long time to hold you!

3 Months

2011-03-19T21:59:00.001-04:00

Guess who turned 3 months (on March 10th)?

You guessed right! SAVANNAH!

It just so happened we saw the doctor the day before Savannah's 3 month birthday, so I got to see how much she is growing. It was technically her 2 month check up since her pediatrician is popular! Here's what she's been up to this month:

*She eats at least 6 times a day, usually every 3 hours until her last feeding of the night. She still nurses well, but I have been giving her 1 bottle a day to keep her used to taking it.
*She is sleeping between 8 and 9 hours at night on most nights. She occasionally wakes up around 5:30am - most of the time she will fall back asleep on her own and sometimes she will not go back to sleep unless I nurse her.
*She is still being swaddled when she sleeps. I'm in the process of trying to transition her away from it (since she has learned to break out of it), but I still find that she needs it at this point, at least at the beginning of nap/nighttime.

*She is still in size 1 diapers, but she is also using some of the 1/2's that we have. I have started using generic diapers for daytime to help save some money, but continue to use Pampers at night.
*She officially weighs 11 lbs. 11 ozs (as of a week ago). I was a little surprised since she weighed 12 lbs at home but I guess it is just a difference in scales. This puts her in the 25-50 percentile for her age.
*She measures 23.5 inches long. This puts her in the 50-75 percentile for her age. It's looking like she may be tall like mommy.
*She is starting to outgrow her 0-3 months clothes. I have been working on putting some of them away and pulling out the 3-6 months clothes that we have.
*She is still giving us lots of smiles during her waketime, which is so much fun! Melts my heart! :-)
*She has discovered her hands! She enjoys sucking on her fingers now, and can even be found trying to put her fist in her mouth. So cute! This does become a distraction at naptime sometimes!

*She is still napping pretty well - 4 naps a day prior to bedtime (which is usually after her 7pm feeding). Some naps are better than others, but overall, I think she's doing pretty well.
*She is continuing to gain more and more head control, so I have started putting her in her Bumbo seat at least once a day to practice sitting up.

*She continues to love kicking around on her activity mat. Sometimes she fusses when she is done eating, but cheers up once she can spread out on the floor. She still doesn't love tummy time, but can tolerate more of it now. She continues to turn over shortly after we put her on her tummy.

I can't explain enough how much I love this little girl. She truly has been our rainbow after the storm. We love her more and more each day and are so thankful that God choose us to be her parents! Andrew must be one proud big brother!

Prayers for Matthew

2011-03-13T15:38:00.002-04:00

I'm working on Savannah's 3 month old post (she turned 3 months old on Thursday), but this weekend has been all about preparing for my nephew's arrival on Monday. We travelled up to Baltimore on Friday and Savannah and I will be up here until Thursday morning (Kevin has to head home earlier to get back to work).

I wanted to take a moment and ask for any of you readers to please be praying. My sister will be admitted to the hospital on Monday morning at 7am. The plan is to take her back at 9am for her C-section. To say she is ready for this pregnancy to be over is an understatement. I'm sure you mommies can understand how it feels when you are 39 weeks and you're pregnancy has not been easy emotionally. She has been through a lot - watching me loose Andrew so late in my pregnancy and having difficulty getting pregnant for the second time only to be followed by an early miscarriage. Needless to say, we are all ready for this miracle baby to be here. We are all ready to meet little Matthew Reagan!

Please pray for a good night's sleep for my sister tonight.

Please pray for an uneventful C-section tomorrow morning.

Please pray for a strong, healthy baby boy to come out crying loud and proud tomorrow morning!

Please pray that the Lord's presence would be with everyone tomorrow, and even now as we count down to the big event!

Just the other day, I listened to my sister explain how C-sections usually work (she had to have an emergency C-section with my niece MacKenzie 6 years ago) since I have never had one. When listening to her, I was overwhelmed with emotion, to the point of shedding a few tears. The easiest way to explain it is just to say that I'm so happy for her. I'm so happy in general. I know she is still struggling with anxiety even in these last few hours (which I understand completely), but I have let all the protective walls down and am just downright excited! Thanks in advance for your prayers! We appreciate it so very much!

Thoughts of Spring Blog Party

2011-03-08T15:56:00.003-05:00

After reading a couple of fun posts, I decided to join the fun and link up with Lynette for her Thoughts of Spring Blog Party. It ends tonight at midnight, so it's not too late to join in! Here goes nothing!

My name is Sarah and I just recently turned 30 years old. So far, so good! :-) I've been married to my husband Kevin for over 7 and a half years. I have two children - a son named Andrew who lives in heaven and a new little daughter named Savannah who lives on earth. I am so blessed to be a stay-at-home mommy now, after working most recently in purchasing/inventory management. I am a Christian, which for me means that I put my hope for eternity in Jesus, who died on the cross for my sins. I pray that my life glorifies God in every way possible!

Me hugging a tree in Charleston, SC.

Kevin and I on vacation in 2007.

Andrew swaddled up tight on his birthday. He would be 19 months this month.

Savannah at 2.5 months.

And now for the questions!

How would people describe your personality? (If they could only use ONE word.) Are they right?
I'm not sure how people would describe my personality. I can often come across as unfriendly at first to people I don't know, but people who know me well could probably tell you stories of my goofy antics. I would consider myself to be an introvert, so when I don't know people well my shyness is often interpreted as being unfriendly. Once I feel comfortable, I'm an open book and will probably tell anyone almost anything about me. Did that answer the question? :-)

What celebrity/celebrities would create a “Star-Struck” feeling if you saw them in real life?
I would be star struck by just about anyone that is even marginally famous. I think it's pretty cool when I see the local news anchor in town.

Who is your favorite blogger? Why?
This is a really hard one, since I follow many blogs and I like all of them for different reasons. I'd have to say that Confessions of a Pioneer Woman is one of my all around favorites. She blogs about a life that I can't even imagine and it's just all around entertaining to read. I have also been incredibly encouraged by Bring the Rain and other blogs written by moms who have experienced the loss of a child. They have ministered to me in ways I can't even express - even though many of these women are miles away from me, I was instantly bonded to them through our loss (you can check out many of these blogs by seeing which blogs I follow). I have most recently discovered The Chronicles of a Babywise Mom. I think it's a great resource for moms and I find myself going to it quite often to help me figure out this certain little 3 month old who has turned our world upside down (in a good way of course).

What is your comfort food/drink?
Diet Coke. And preferably from a fountain rather than a can.

Movies: Action, Drama, Romantic Comedy, Documentary, Comedy? What are your favorite genres?
I enjoy lots of different kinds of movies, although my husband would say romances or romantic comedies are my favorite. My favorite romance is probably Price and Prejudice. I also love musicals like The Sound of Music and Oklahoma. I enjoy a good drama and action movie if it's a good story. The one genre that I don't care for would be fantasy and science fiction. I could care less about Star Wars - sorry!!

Music: Funk, Rock, Country, Jazz, Classical, Film Score, Blues, Classic Rock, Crooner, Alternative, Heavy Metal, Techno? What are your favorite types?
My favorite types of music are country and Christian music. I like a lot of other types as well, but these are my staples. I basically like anything with a good beat to it, but unfortunately my options are more limited due to some of the lyrics.

If you inherited a million dollars, what is the first thing you would do with your money?
I would give some of it to my church and other charities/non profits that I support. I would purchase a larger Toyota (maybe an SUV or minivan in hopes of us needing more space for more children down the road). I would purchase a larger house as well for the same reason, along with wanting to be able to have more space to have people over. I wouldn't want anything huge, but maybe 1800 square feet or so, and with a garage for Kevin. I'd put the rest in savings and use it to bless people down the road.

Name one weakness of yours (confession is good for the soul).
I don't take compliments well. Also, I'm not creative.

If you could live anywhere at all (and take all your loved ones with you), where would you go?
Charleston, South Carolina. It's a beautiful city and I love the warm weather (although I may change my mind if I was ever there during the summer)!

Strange Talent? Can you juggle basketballs, put your legs behind your head or perform some other strange feat?
I am double jointed in my shoulders. I can clasp my hands together in front of me and flip my arms over my head. When I was a little thinner, I used to be able to bring my hands all the way around my body similar to a jump rope. My hips would probably keep that from happening at this point. :-)

What’s something you consider yourself to be good at? (Don’t worry, it’s not bragging, it’s acknowledging a God given gift).
Planning ahead/budgeting. I'm one of those weird people that enjoys balancing our checkbook and enjoys coming up with a saving/spending strategy so we can achieve our goals. Yes, I am a dork!

If money wasn’t a factor, what stores would you shop in?
Ann Taylor, J. Crew, White House/Black Market, Pottery Barn, Pottery Barn Kids, Crate and Barrel, William Sonoma, Plow and Hearth. I could go on and on! I do shop at these stores some now, but not as often as my budget would allow! And most of the time, I walk in with a coupon! :-)

What is your greatest fear or strange phobia?
Loosing another child and being sexually assaulted. I know, depressing, right? We live in such a scary world. Yet another reason I am looking forward to heaven!

What is your greatest accomplishment?
This is a hard one because I'm currently working on the most important ones, so I can't say that I've accomplished them yet. But, I hope to one day say that I was an excellent wife and mother. I also hope to be able to pray with someone to receive Christ as their Lord and Savior. I haven't had that priviledge yet, but pray that I will be able to someday.

Are you a hopeless romantic?
Yes. I love romance movies and I'd probably love romance novels if I actually read them. Although I am completely aware of the flaws within romance movies, I still love the classic Cinderella stories. More than anything, I love the romance involved in the normal day-to-day living of my own life. To me, there's nothing more romantic than 2 completely different people choosing to walk through day-to-day life together in an exclusive, monogamous, marriage relationship. My husband and I have our fair share of issues and problems, but I find it incredibly romantic that we choose each other daily. We could have chosen anyone else in the world, but God lead us to each other. I pray that our marriage is a good example of God's love, grace, and forgiveness and that it points others to Him.

Welcome Savannah Open House

2011-03-04T15:43:00.002-05:00

I can't believe March is here! Where on earth did February go? Things have been busy here - not really that I've been doing a ton, but just busy taking care of Savannah and trying to keep things going here on the home front. As you mommies know, taking care of a 2.5 month old is a full time job in and of itself with all the feedings, much less all the other things that need to get done in order to keep this household running (and I have to confess I haven't been doing as good a job as I'd like in that area, but that's another post for another day).

Before we get too far into March, I did want to share a few of the happenings from the month of February. When I was pregnant with Savannah, people approached me about whether we were doing a baby shower for her. I went back and forth about it in my mind, and after a lot of thought, we opted against it. Not that we didn't want to celebrate our girl, but I was just too anxious about things to really be able to enjoy doing a shower. We were blessed to have 2 showers when I was expecting Andrew, both of which were late in the pregnancy. At that point, it was only a matter of a few weeks before we thought we'd be bringing him home. A pretty safe time to celebrate, right?? Well, we all know how that worked out. Sad to say, but it sort of stole the joy out of having baby showers before Savannah was born.

So, on February 13th, we held an open house to welcome our gal! We wanted to include as many people as possible, so we opted to have it at our church instead of our home. We had such a wonderful turnout! Not that it was about numbers, but it was such a testimony of the amount of support we have had through the past year and a half. God has been so faithful in surrounding us with support and prayer warriors, so seeing so many people come out to the open house was just another reminder of his goodness. Thanks to all who helped out and everyone who came!

During the open house, we had a slide show running with pictures from our first couple of months with Savannah. The night before, Kevin was finishing it up and adding music to the slide show. I had selected a couple of songs that had been so meaningful to me right after we lost Andrew, and wanted them to be included in the slide show. After Kevin had finished everything, we sat back in bed and watched it all the way through.

I started balling. I was so overwhelmed with emotion as I thought back to where we were at this time last year. We were making our way through such a deep valley, and seeing those pictures put to those songs just reminded be of how faithful the Lord has been. I sobbed to those songs a year and half ago and here we are now, with another beautiful baby. What a remarkable blessing she has been to us! I hope that we were able to express our thankfulness to everyone who came, as well as allow the event to bring God glory!

A friend of ours was gracious enough to take pictures for us since we were so busy talking with everyone! Sorry I didn't post more of them. The files were so large and I was getting impatient with waiting to upload each one!

We went with a Valentine theme, so Savannah was decked out in her Valentine dress. I love the smocking at the top!